Simon Scowl.

Sir Simon of Scowl is not a happy bunny. He's been moaning about the poor standardof the acts in this years BGT. But surely he's partly to blame for throwing sickies during the auditions. Looking at the finalists perhaps he's got a point, with got an old dear who might be dead before the Royal Variety Show, a 10 year old boy who is hoping his balls don't drop before the Variety Show, a dancing dog, an out of tune boy band, an impressionist who can only do impressions of bald people, a Beavis and Butthead dance act, a young drummer, an Opera singer, some acrobats and a breakdancer. Variety may not be dead but it is certainly on the life suffort machine.

With such rubbish on the box is there any wonder Cheryl has headed off to Paris for some fun. Shame she had to drag along Derek though because it's just given the papers another opportunity to run silly stories about them being lovers.