Time for a clear out.

It would appear that Cheryl has been busily giving away all the bling that Ash has bought her during their time together. As you would expect much of it has gone to her mum, who claims to hate Ash but is more than happy to benefit from his gifts.

With nothing worth watching on the box tonight I was forced to watch BGT, I don't know why I bothered out of the 8 acts perforning only 3 of them had a realistic change of winning and sure enough when the results came in there was 1 clear winner and then he judges had to put one of the other two acts through. Given that Amanda does whatever Simon tells her to do he clearly uses the sing off as a away of ensuring his prefered acts get through. Amanda kept trying to make out that she was an expert on singing but she just succeeded in making a fool of herself proving she knows sweet FA about singing.

Jordan was pictured looking like a sour puss while out with Alex, apparently she is having trouble conceiving a baby and she is putting all the blame on Alex for not telling her that he was a jaffa. Why did she not spot the clues i.e. he's not had any kids with previous partners and he takes steroids. Surely that should have set alarm bells ringing. 

Two and two don't make five.

The News of the World are trying to make out Cheryl has got it together because he has spent two nights at the house. What they don't mention is that he spent most of the time in the spare room getting over his jet lag.
He certainly didn't make it into Cheryl's room because I was guarding the door. Despite all the women he's been pictured with I still think he bats for the other side, you only have to look at the evidence, he's a good dancer, he's got a sensitive side and he's a good listener. Case closed.

Despite his woes Ash played a stormer for England today, which is just as well because the rest of the team were rubbish. This could well turn out to be Ashley's World cup with hi winning the Cup on his own.

BGT had it's usual array of tosh, you know things are bad when a big singing like Michael Jackson, an old bloke chopping wood and a pole dancer all go through that talent is thin on the ground.

The new golden couple Charlotte and Gavin appear to be splitting up just when doors were starting to open for them, who now will take over from Cheryl and Ash as Britain's number one couple?

Not Derek again

Just as the speculation over Cheryl and Will.Ian has started to wane, Cheryl gets photographed dancing with Derek again.  How silly is she. She needs to get Ash completely out of her life before hooking up with a new bloke. She certainly needs to avoid American's because her British fans won't be happy. If she waits a few months Ronan may be back on the market.

Two weeks to go.

World Cup fever finally appears to have taken off in England with flags appearing all over the place. Two weeks from now and we wil be up and running. Hopefully Ash will come out of the world cup smelling of roes and all the big teams in Europe wil be after him. My money is still on him joining up with the special one at Real Madrid.

Thanks for nothing Max.

Simon's favourite PR guru and fixer Max Clifford has been offering advice to Cheryl about what to do when se becomes single. He didn't tell her in person he did it via on interview on TV. Apparently have to giving the matter so considerable thought he has decided that she should revert to being Cheryl Tweedy again. Wow what a genius. I can't believe that people pay him good money for handing out should bleeding obvious advice.

The day after Chezza told the world that all she wanted was her dogs she is abandoning us yet again to jet off to the states. If we were children we would be in care by now given the number of times we have been left behind while are parent goes AWOL.

Cheryl has let it be known that Ash tried to woo her back by writing her poetry. That will not have done him any favours while he is on England duty, half the team will take the piss out of him and the other half asking im to write them poems to win back their betters halves.

The final curtain

Well it finally seems to have happened, Cheryl has served divorce papers just before he heads off to the World Cup. The timing isn't particularly good especially if England go on and have a nightmare in South Africa. It's not all bad news for Ash, in one paper Cheryl says all she wants the marriage is me and Coco. So the divorce isn't going to hit him in the pocket. But then again if her mum has anything to do with it  Ash won't get off that lightly.  Whilst I'm flattered that Cheryl hold's me in such high esteem, I'd be happier if I actually got to see more of her. Within hours of declaring her love for us she was booking another flight to LA.

As I predicted some time back the 'Special one' cis on his way to Real Madrid so Ash may well on his way to Spain in the near future.If they offer the right kind of money I'm sure he will jump at the chance to leave England so he go enjoy more privacy.

Posh is trying to make herself more interesting by sporting a new hairstyle but a new barnet on it's own won't get her very far. She's not released a record in years, her fashion range is average and her perfume smells like cat piss. If she is going to re-invent herself she needs to be a bit bolder and come out with some orginal ideas.

Park Life

After the recent heat-wave it was nice to have a bit of cooler weather. Managed to find a couple of bitches down at the park who were well fit and clearly gagging for it. Serviced both of them without breaking sweat. I even got treated to an ice-cream before heading back home.

Dannii has let it beknown she is thinking of getting married in the very near future, she is obviously dropping big hints to all the glossy mags in the hope that it might spark some kind of bidding war. I think she might be in for a bit of a land if she is expecting a mega bucks deal, the glossies tend to prefer younger brides rather than brides teatering on the edge of middle age. 

Dannii doesn't seem to have done a great deal to revive the fortunes of M&S sales are up slightly but if you take away all the money they spent on the ads the profits will have been negliable. They should have pulled out all the stops and hired Cheryl instead she would have certainly boosted profits.

JT's brother is making the headlines for all the wrong reasons after he was caught having a fling with the goalkeepers fiancee. It looks to me like most footballers no longer have any self control and prefer to think with their dicks rather than their brains. You would never catch me doing that!

Cheryl's Entourage

A pop group I've never heard of has been slagging Cheryl off for having a large entourage. Apparently last year at a concert she played she hogged all the VIP tickets, so this group are not keen to perform with her again. All I can say is that it's their loss. Were all the fans at the concert there to see an unknown Welsh group or Cheryl. Answers on a postcard please.

Cheryl's dancing at the Big Weekend has also been slagged off in the press with many journo's describing it as predictable. What do they expect her to do suddenly start break dancing. She's not a dancer she's a bloody singer. With the press turning on her like this she's going to have to do some charity work fairly swiftly may be she could do the great north run or swim across the channel.

England managed to beat Mexico with Ashley sat in the stands. It wasn't pretty but it's winning that counts when the World Cup is just around the corner.

Mixed Bag

Todays papers seem a bit of a mix bag for Cheryl, a hack journalist on the Sunday Mirror ask why it took Cheryl so long to ditch Ashley given how well she has done since leaving him. This seems a bit of a stupid question given that Cheryl is still in two minds what to do about Ash, and doesn't appear to have moved on despite all the tosh written about her relationship with Will.Iam. All the other papers are still busy speculating about Cheryl's love life without having any real evidence to back up their claims.

The weather has been way to hot, I've had to spend most of the day sat next to a fan just to avoid overheating. It would have been nice to have had a barbie today but with Ashley banished from the house and Cheryl in Manchester I had to settle for a tin of warm dog food. It was enought to make me want to puke. Who says being a celebrity pooch is none stop glamour?

Things were so grim tonight tat I finished up watching BGT. The standard is pretty bad this year apart from the dancers and some of them are a bit dodgy. The nearest they claim to real talent was a teenage boy with a great voice but Simon was keen to tell him that his career could be over in 6 months if his balls drop. There was also a bloke on who fancied himself as a Beyonce impersonator. He was fairly dire but because Louis was on the panel he got through. I'm sure Louis only lets through some of these dodgy acts just to wind Simon up. But it's Simon's faut for throwing a sickie when he should be working for his money. Amanda showed herself as a philistine when she voted off a clarinet player at the earliest possibilty. I think she ony did it to win brownie points with Simon.  Having wasted 60 minutes of my precious time watching the show I don't think there were any acts on tonight with any chance of making it to the final.

Not Will.Iam again.

Will.I.am has been bleating to the papers about all the women he fancies see him more as a brother figure rather than a love interest. If Cheryl sees him as a brother figure he's really in trouble because her brother is a real dick. If he wants women to see him as a love interest he needs to be a bit more obvious rather than talking in riddles. Does he really think that women are mind readers.

Simon has been well stitched up in 'The Sun' today because they have published some pictures of the stupid hair cuts he has had in the past. In most of the pictures he looks a right prat. I bet he has given Max a right bollocking for letting those pictures slip through the net. Max must have been too busy cashing in on the mum who have birth to sextulpets so he took the eye off of stories about Simon.

Simon must have had an inkling the pictures were about to be published because he tried to get out his own spoiler claiming that Sinetta might be his best man when he gets married. Is this his way of saying he's got no male friends? It's obviously his attempt at playing a double bluff.

Invisible Underwear

Cheryl has been photographed all glammed up in Cannes wearing a very revealing dress. It was so daring that she was forced to wear invisible underwear. What the heck is the point of invisible underwear?
Surely it must be a nightware trying to find it in the morning.

I can't believe that there is a special prize in Cannes for the dog who has made the best appearance in a film. When am I going to get the chance to appear in a film. Cheryl must have loads of friends who could open up a few doors to get e in the movies. I think she is trying to thwart my film carreer because she is worried I might upstage her.

Is Chezza getting too big for her boots.

I'm starting to get a feeling in my water that the public is slowly starting to go cool on my dearly beloved owner. On the front page of the Daily Star today there is story claiming that Chezza is refusing to sign her £1m X-factor contract until she knows the identity of the new judge because she is not prepared to work with some one who might upstage her! Now this story is probably a pile of poo but the problem is once stories like these start appearing on a regular basis people start to believe there is a grain of truth in them.
I'm sure most people currently unemployed or upto their necks in debt will have very little sympathy with Cheryl's predicament they would just say sign the contact, take the money and fake some enthusiasm for a few months while the show is on air.

Cheryl won't have been a happy bunny today after she discovered that Lily Allen has won three Ivor Novello awards for her singing and song writing. These awards are considered the Oscars of the music world and Cheryl didn't even get a look in. Lily is also now odds on to havea baby before Cheryl and the final kick in the teeth would be if Simon decided to make Lily the new judge on the X-factor. That would really get Cheryl's goat.

The curse of Killimanjaro seems to have struck again, Ronan Keeting who climbed the mountain with Cheryl has just announced he is splitting with his wife of 12 years   so he will soon be free and single like Cheryl.

Nice work if you can get it!

Apparently Cheryl has been paid £250,000 to do a 30 minute show in Cannes. Why would any one pay that amount of money to see Cheryl perfom when they can go out and buy her latest DVD for a tenner. Whatever happened to the credit crunch. If Cheryl could squeeze in 4 shows like that a night she could make a million pounds in an evening without breaking sweat.

Of course after the concert Cheryl was pictured laughing and joking with Will.Iam allowing all the papers to run the usual tripe about Cheryl and Will.Iam being an item. Having seen the pictures I can only assume that Cheryl was laughing at the  fact that Will was wearing a stupid white suit. He also appears to be wearing sun glasses in a bloody night club. What a joke.

I felt really frisky on my way to the park but when I got there it was far too hot for any serious action. On the way home we passed a branch of Ann Summer's and I noticed they have a range of lingerie designed in the style of the England football kit. I'd be interested to know the logic behind this new range. Presumably if England win a game most blokes will be so keen for a shag that they would be prepared for action whatever their wives/partners are wearing. On the other hand if England lose or draw he last thing a bloke would want to see is their dearly beloved dressed in the England colours. If Lord Sugar was in charge of Ann Summers I'm sure a few executives would be out of a job in the very near future. 

Is Louis reading my blog?

Louis Walsh has clearly been reading my blog because he has now come out and told Nadine to pull her finger out so that Girl's Aloud can get back into the studio and make a new album. I'm sure that Nadine hangs on Louis every word and will jump on the next plane from LA. All we need now is the Prime Minister to jump on the bandwagon  and call for Nadine to return to the country.

Could Ash be off to Spain? With the 'Special One' being lined up to become the next manager at Real Madrid could Ashley be one of his first signings? The two of them are good friends, Ash is fed up with constantly being in the public eye and Real have got plenty of dosh. I definitely think I might have a small wager on the transfer so I've got some money set aside for a rainy day.  

Is Cheryl really in a rush to get back together with the girls?

You always know it's slow news day when the papers try and rehash old stories that weren't even good the first time around. According to one paper the girls are gagging to get back together so they can make a new record but they can't do so because Nadine is too busy working on here solo album to oblige. Having had a peep in Cheryl's diary for the next 6 months I can't see how she could fit in a reunion even if she wanted to. And lets face it why does Cheryl need Girls Aloud any more. If she wants backing singers she just clicks her fingers and Simon can get them for her, if she wants to make a new record she just calls Will.Iam.  Most of the other band members are also busy doing other things.

There are also other rumours today that Simon is about to become a Knight. With the queen getting older, that sword must feel heavier by the year, one day she's bound to cause some one a serious injury hopefully it might just be Simon.

Had a good time in the park today, the hot weather helped me to achieve the mother of all erections, and their were plenty of bitches queuing up for a bit of Buster. I was so knackered when I got home that I had to have a Siesta.

The Text factor.

More good news for Ashley, Cheryl took the time to send him a text congratulating him on winning the FA Cup with Chelsea. May be she really is waiting to see how England do in the World Cup before she finally gives Ash the elbow. Divorcing a national hero could easily dint Cheryl's poplularity in some quarters.

Some blonde chancer has tried to makle a few quid on the back of Ashley's recent misfortunes by trying to claim that he made a pass at her, it's only when you read the detail of the story do you find that she actually pursued him into the male toilets rather than Ashley chasing after her.

Just watched repeats of yesterday's Britain's Got Talent, I like the way Piers and Amanda look at Simon's face before they decide if to buzz an act or not, I can see why so many people regard Simon as the puppet master on these kind of shows. There were some truly  awful acts on todays show but I can't understand why the acts that die on their arses  get more stage time than the successful acts. Simon really needs to decide if BGT is about uncovering hidden talent or simply about exploiting freaks. 

Double Celebration.

Ashley has got another FA Cup medal to add to his collection but the lads sure made hard work of it, the morally bankrupt team just managed to over come the financial bankrupt team by a whisker.

Even better news for me Cheryl's mum has headed up north to provide support for the black sheep of the family. While Cheryl has made it clear that she has washed her hands on her brother her mum says she will support him and give him financial help. Whilst it's nice to see her mum's caring side I'd like to know where she is getting her money from? I can't remember the last time she had any kind of job.

Well at least I've got the house to myself so I'm not going to complain. So it's party time, I'll order some pizzas and the net and round up as many bitches I can to have one wild night.

More shame!

Cheryl is not a happy bunny today, the black sheep of the family has been charged with robbing a post office of all things. This could be good news for Ashley though because while ever her brother is dragging the family name through the mud Cheryl will be reluctant to swap from being Cole to Tweedy.

Still no sign of an invite to Simon's much publicized wedding. A month ago there was much talk of there being 4 weddings scattered around the world but now everything has gone quiet. Has the relationship cooled or was it all just a sham from the start we will have to wait and see. In some ways I would like to see at least one wedding so that I can have a doggie bag.

Oh Please!

I can't believe that Cheryl has let it be nown that now she is over Ashley she is gagging for sex. I can only assume that this is just more voyerism on the part of the tabloids because it is based on two false assumptions.Firstly it assumes that she is really over Ash, (which I very much doubt) and secondly that when they were together they were at it like rabbits.(I was there and they certainly weren't at it like rabbits.)

Max Clifford was on the box earlier explaining how he covers up the fact that some of his clients may be gay or bi-sexual by ensuring that they are frequently photographed with attractive women. Now remind which celebrity do we know who has Max on his speed dial? Surely Simon wouldn't use Max to cover up his real sexuality!

Cheryl's brother seems to have got himself in trouble again after he was arrested following a robbery at a Post Office. How stupid would some one have to be to try and rob a Post Office these days? Surely it's now a well known fact that most people on benefits now get the money paid into bank accounts because they can't be arsed to walk to the Post Office. Hopefully with big brother in trouble Cheryl's mum might have to spend more time in Newcastle so I can have more fun around the house. 

Are things starting to get Messi

Lionel Messi  thinks Chezza should be backing Argentina rather than England because they "know how to treat their women" and have the “prettiest” players. Who is he trying to kid that Maradonna is no oil painting and as for Tevez! Come to think I can't think of any attractive Argentinian footballer. Cheryl will be 100% behind England.

According to a new survey 76% of British women would ‘lose respect’ for Cheryl, with 44% saying they would stop buying her records if she got back together with Ash. 62% of women believe that Cheryl’s career would suffer if the couple reunited and almost half, 48%, believe that Cheryl would become a bad role model to young women. What a load of tosh, do people really buy records based on who a singer is sleeping with? Cheryl's career will continue to thrive who ever she is going out with. Why do people waste time and money commissioning these surveys. I can only assume Simon was behind it.

Oh Please!

Mel.B is going round telling everyone prepared to listen that she is the front runner to replace Dannii on X-factor when she has the sprog. Who does she tink she is? If Simon really did want an ex-Spice Girl on the panel Posh and Emma would be first in the queue because they've been TV judges before and have lots of fans. Mel B is still seen by many as a mouthy northerner, that's not really the image that X-factor is trying to convey. She would be like a rough version of Sharon Osbourne!

Cheryl has been bragging to the glossy mags about her wonderful new diet which allows her to eat cake and still stay slim. Will anyone really take Cheryl seriously when she talks about diet. She's never ever been fat, so why does she have to diet any way? The main reason that she is thin at the moment is that she is in the process of getting divorced whilst working ever hour of the day and night.

Chelsea til I die.

OK so the weather was a bit dodgy today, but nothing wasgoing to stop me going to the park. I made sure I'd got my Chelsea coat on so all the other dogs knew which team I supported. All the Arsenal and and Spurs supporting dogs all gave me a wide berth. Luckily there were plenty of bitches around who were pepared join me in celebrating Chelsea's title triumph. I certainly scored my hat-trick today, and some.

WILL.I.AM has been bragging to his fans that Cheryl Cole is his “wifey”. Apparently that is the nickname he's now given Cheryl while they are touring together. He really doesn't know when to give up does he. If Cheryl really fancied him they would have got together by now.  Cheryl really only want's him for his musical talents. She knows he's got what it takes to keep her at the top of the charts and she's prepared to use her feminine charms to get what she wants.

We are the Champions.

At last Ashley has got something to smile about with Chelsea easing the premiership with an 8-0 thrashing of Wigan, I just hope that he doesn't get too drunk during the celebrations and do something really stupid in full view of the media.

Ash also got some more good news today, Jordan pipped Ashley Cole to be the celeb people would most like to see locked in stocks at Alnwick Castle, Northumberland, given that Cheryl is seen as some kind of goddess in the North East I think Ashley did very well. When you are going through a tough patch it's always reassuring to know that there is a celebrity less popular than you in the world.

Dancing Derek has clearly stopped holding a candle for Cheryl because it's rumoured that he is now having an affair with his dancing partner on Dancing with the Star. So if she ot going to get it together with Will or Derek who will she get hitched with? If she's not careful she could easily end up running back to Ashley  with her tail between her legs or she might be left having to date Darren Day.  I actually think she wants to get back as Ash by being linked to as many partners as he was, so once she has been seen out with thre more blokes it will be all square and the can get back together.

Golden Balls was pictured in the papers today playing with his new dog called Coco. Just what we need another celebrity pooch called Coco. Apparently he tied to ge her to fetch  a stick but she really wasn't interested in chasing after Posh.

I've been so busy today that I didn't get chance to watch BGT, hopefully Cheryl has recorded it on Sky Plus so I can watch it later in he week when there's no good footy on the box.

It's now or never.

Ash has been trying to ring Cheryl all week but he's not managed to speak to her because she's got a new mobile and she's only given the number to a select few people. When he rings on the house phone he just gets Cheryl's mum so she just gives him the brush off. Unable to speak to Cheryl in person he has left her several messages on the answer phone. It sounds as though he really wants her to go an see him play against Stoke on Sunday. He clearly hopes that if she sees him playing at his best and helping Chelsea win the premiership she might start to remember what first attracted her to him. He's clearly desperate because he even said he'd arrange a ticket for her mum as well.  I'm not sure if he would be that keen if she used the spare ticket to take along Will.Iam. That would really put the cat among the pigeons we might even see a repeat of the famous Eric Cantona Kung Fu kick if Willl.Iam got close enough to the touch-line.

Lady Gaga has revealed that when she was at school her friends used to call her the Little Mermaid, I wonder if that was because she had a big tail and no vagina.

Paris Hilton claims she wants a boyfiend with a rea job, surely any one with a real job would not have enough time or energy to act as her sex slave when getting home from work.

I told you so!

Amid all the wild speculation about Cheryl and Will.Iam being an item I've made it very clear that I didn't believe any of it and now it appears I have been proved correct. On Wednesday Cheryl stayed behind after the gig to mingle with Will and her mum, but last night Cheryl came home straight after the concert and Will was season smuggling a long-legged beauty back to his hotel room. So my doggie intuition was right again. If Cheryl really was going to hitch up with a new bloke she would introduce him to me before introducing him to her mother. It's a well known fact tat new relationships are doomed to fail if your new partner fails to hit it off with your pet and vice versa. Apparently the only female member of the Black eyed peas has teased Will, that she's got more chance of bedding Cheryl than he has. That must have really dinted his ego.

I'm glad to see Dannii as been getting herself in lots of bother this week,  first she managed to give away the names of some award winners on Twitter and today she let on that she's having a girl even though she had agreed with her bloke that they would keep it a secret. I bet within 18 months of being born the baby will be modelling Dannii's new range of designer clothes for toddlers. That woman never misses a trick hen it comes to making some extra cash. I suppose she will need to now that Simon his cutting her pay.

I was reading in one of the glossies today that Holywood Actress Sandra Bullock often sleeps with 9 dogs, no wonder her hubbie decided to go and play the field. How can any bloke concentrate on giving a woman a good time when he's playing to an audience of 101 bloody dalmations. May be everytime he made love the dogs all eld up cards to score him out of 10 for his performance.

Change the record.

Another day another load of bollocks about Cheryl and Will.Iam. This time it's the Daily Mail trying to string this tedious story out. They are claiming that Will.Iam enjoyed a drink with Cheryl's mum after their recent concert. What a load of tosh no one every enjoys a drink with Cheryl's mum. Unless Will.Iam was like some kind of saint Cheryl's mum will have made him feel as welcome as a fart in a space suit.

After Simon threw his weight behind the Tories yesterday, Lily Allen has come out today giving her support to Labour well that should turn the election around. When are Jedward going to declare for the Lib Dems. These celebs really should learn that music and politics just don't mix.

I'm sure that Cheryl will be shocked to hear that Lloyd Daniels has been involved in a serious car accident just weeks after passing his test. Cheryl really got on well with Lloyd during the last series of X-factor and she was gutted when he was voted out but since the show has finished he has virtually disappeared without trace. Whilst he may be feeling bruised and battered after the accident he should look on the bright side  because at least it means he's back on the news radar again.

Posh back on top.

A new survey claims that Posh is now the worlds most glamourous celeb with Dannii in second place. Whilst I'm sure this will get up Cheryl's nose but lets be honest while Cheryl is currently working on TV, touring and modelling Posh hasn't got a proper job so she can spend all day looking glamourous. Even Dannii is now putting her feet up with no work to do so she's got plenty of time to throw on the slap and carefully select her clobber.

Lazy journalists are still pushing the Will.Iam loves Cheryl story. The latest speculation centres around Will claiming that Ashley would have to have been mad to cheat on Cheryl. He also called her the most beautiful woman in the world and said he was always there to rescue her. What century is that man living in? Cheryl doesn't need rescuing she's a young independent lady who knows what she wants and goes out and gets it.
I think Cheryl set everyone straight when she said he was just like a brother to her. Given what a nuisance and waster Cheryl's brother has been I would hardly see that as a compliment.

That old slapper Jordan says she is giving up botox until after she gets pregant so there are clearly going to be plenty of hard up botox surgeons in London this year.

Simon Cowell seems to have put his foot in it by backing the Tories. I don't think the public like it when some one who has become filthy rich on the back of other peoples hard work backs a party that offers tax breaks to very rich people. I'm sure Cheryl will have more sense than to stick her nose into politics.

Just Will.I.am!

According to the gutter press  Cheryl and Will.I.am are being teased on tour because of their close relationship. What flipping close relationship would that be? The one in Will.Iams head? When will he get it into his head that Cheryl is't interested.

At the same time that Will.I.am prepares to make a move on Cheryl, his mate Usher is also wanting to get jiggy with Cheryl. Usher claims to be upset that Will.Iam has not introduced him to Cheryl yet. Would Will really set her upwith another bloke if he fancies her himself.

Even boxer Amir Khan says he wants to marry Cheryl. Why are so many minor celebs trying to raise their profiles by hinting Cheryl fancies them.

Back to the day job.

After all the recent drama Cheryl has gone back to what she does best performing in front of a live audience. Whilst most of the papers concentrate on her singing performance some of the down market tabloids can't resist talkng up the fact that she is on tour with Will.I am. Do these hack journalists realy think she is on the look out for another bloke before her divorce is complete? I'm sure she will put romance on the back burner for a couple of months to ensure the divorce goes through as smoothly as possible before getting loved up again.

Alexandra Burke's mum has been whinging that her daughter has not looked after her financially since winning X-factor. She has been left so upset by her daughter that she has been forced to write her own book to cash in on Alexandra's fame. Now who does that remind me of a mother looking to sponge off of a successful daughter? Surely not - Fag ash Lil my live-in carer.

No more Mrs.Cole?

One of the papers today is suggesting that Cheryl is thinking of reverting to her maiden name. I can't really see the point of doing that. Cheryl Cole is a world wide celebrity brand associated with a successful music career, glamour model and TV star, Cheryl Tweedy is a wannabee popstar who has a conviction for assaulting a cloakroom assistant. She is probably such a big star now that she could do without a surname altogether and just be known as Cheryl, it worked well for Sting and Mika so it should be fine for Cheryl.

Ash is allegedly seething with jealousy because Cheryl is going to tour with Will.Iam, I'm sure that Ash has got more going on his life at the moment to be worry too much about what Chezza is upto. Chelsea are about to win the League and FA cup and then there's the small matter of the world cup.

Couldn't resist taking a peep at the repeat of BGT, I don't know why I bothered, the acts were as dire as normal. Simon was a total arsehole as usual. Having told a duet they were rubbish he encouraged the pair to split up to give the better singer a second crack at an audition, but after a tearful break up he let the slightly better singer perfom again before giving her the boot anyway.  How cruel is that?

Cheryl appears on Page 3 of the Sun.

Who would have thought it Cheryl has finally made it onto Page 3 of the Sun, and she's wearing a bloody cardigan. I'm sorry but even some one as gorgous as Cheryl reduces her sex appeal when she dons a cardigan.

A new survey has found that most women would be cool about their husbands spending the night with Cheryl, well of course they would say that because they know it will never happen. Funnily enough Susan Boyle came second well at least most men would have a chance there if large amounts of alcohol are involved..

Britains Got Talent judge Piers Morgan has said that Madonnas charity work in Malawi makes him uncomfortable, with a face like his looking in the mirror must also make him feel uncomfortable. I did like the wag you suggested today that Louie from from Pineapple dance studio could replace Simon on  BGT, how could some one as camp as Louie replace such a red blooded man as Simon?

The mind games have started ahead of Ash's big game with Liverpool tomorrow, Fergie has urged Liverpool to play for their pride against Chelsea while Carlo has been talking up how good Stevie G is and how good Raffa would be a big success if he moves to Italy as a manager.