Now it's getting dirty.

Just when things looked like they were start to quieten down abit Ashley's decision to put the cat amongst the pigeons by blaming Cheryl's mum for everything seems to have opened up a can of worms. One paper used the headline 'Cheryl's mum drove me to extra-marital affairs' which made it sound like she was his personal chauffeur when he was playing away.

It looks like the family's wealth has multiplied overnight. Yesterday Ash and Cheryl were worth £22m yet this morning they have a joint wealth of £35m. And according to the Daily Mail if they do start to split things up Ash is likely to get the house while Cheryl is likely to get me and Cocoa.  I've got very mixed views on this because I've become very attached to the house and don't want to end up somewhere down market like Newcastle especially if Cheryl is off to LA for half of the year. Whilst Cheryl always rings me when she's away and communicates using web-cam it is not the same as being with her in the flesh.

There is a great deal of speculation about what Cheryl will do with the tattoo on the back of her neck which describes her as Mrs.C  She could have painful surgery to get it removed, she could have another tattoo put over the top to hide it or the third option would be to marry someone else with a surname beginning with C. She probably won't want to marry another footballer so Carlton Cole is out of the frame, but that still leaves Brendon Cole the dancer or she could surprise everyone by getting hitched to James Cordon. That would really annoy Ashley given that Cordon is a West Ham supporter.

Having stirred things up Ash has now hopped over to France to get some treatment on it's ankle. I don't think he will be in a rush to come home again while ever the press are camped out in the garden.

Two of Cheryl's backing singers popped round last night to offer their support, I'm not sure if they were really here to help or whether they just came to ensure they gt their pictures in the paper.

Some joker has put a banner over a local bridge reading Cheryl give me a call. JT. Talking of jokers Cheryl is meant to be giving an interview to Jonathan Ross to put her side of the story. I'm not really sure he's the ideal person to conduct such an interview given his track record for making tasteless jokes.