Cheryl to get top dollar to go to the USA

The papers all of the opinion that madam has signed a £3m deal to be a judge on X-factor in the USA. It's not really a big surprise the story seems to have been doing the rounds most of the year. Simon obviously wants her to act as his stooge on the American show in the same way as she acts as his stooge in Britain.
Most of the American judges would probablt tell him where to go but Cheryl is always happy to comply with his wishes as long as her loyalty is repaid with a generous contract.

Wagner claims he is being gagged by Simon Cowell, I find this hard to believe, Wagner has been speaking his mind since he arrived on the show so why would he zip it now he's no longer on the show. I assume what he means is that Simon won't let him on the X-factor tour if he spills the beans on what goes on beyind he scenes on the show.  I think he is probably negotiating a deal with a tabloid, if a paper offers to meet the £100,000 he would lose if he was kicked off the tour he would probably tell all and not bother with the tour.

What has Simon done with Wagner?

Got up early this morning hoping to see Wagner on breafast TV but he was nowhere in sight, thought he may have had a lie-in so waited for 'This Morning' to come on but still no Wagner. He didn't even make it onto 'Loose Women' or 'Allan Titchmarsh'  I reckon Simon has had him abducted so that he doesn't spill the beans about all the back-stage goings on.  Or may be he's been kidnapped by another record company eager to get him to record a track to grab the Christmas No.1 slot.

Katie did managed to do qite a few interviews and was quizzed about her granny the hooker and all the other stories that have been written about her in the last few weeks. She seemed to come out of it all fairly unscathed and she certainly didn't have to resort to crying or fainting.

Matt is susposed to have had a go Cher last week because she was giving one of the stylists a hard time while preparing to go on stage. If the papers are to be believed Matt is actually dating the stylist, I don't believe this story on bit because surely if he really was seeing a stylist she wouldn't let him wear such awful clothes and have all that silly stubble on his chin.

The king is dead long live th king.

I can't believe that Wagner has finally been given the push. His singing last night was the best he has done so far and he even won the sing off hands down but Louis sided with the three witches and booted him off. I can only assume they ganged up on him because they knew that she actually had more votes than Mary so they couldn't affoord for it to go to deadlock.  With Katie gone as well the last two shows are going to be pretty damn boring. I reckon it's now odds on that Simon's boy band is going to clean up with Mary and Cher getting the boot next week.

Apparently Derek has flown all the way from LA just to comfort Cheryl still not sure if he is a love interest or one of the worlds most expensive male escorts.

Asley had another bad day at the office with Chelsea only drawing one one with the Geordies I bet that made Cheryl smile.

God it's cold!

It was so cold today that at one point I actually felt my dick had fallen off, I don't even think the hottest bitch in the world could have got be aroused today. After getting back to the house I headed straight to my basket and blanket and spent the afternoon giving myself orally stimulation.

After a nice pleasant nap I was all set up for a night in front of X-factor, I can't believe they made all the acts sing to songs what was the point of that? It would have been more fun if they had forced the acts to duet with each other. Cher and Wagner could have done a Sunny and Cher number and throwing Katie together with Matt could have made for good TV.

The judges seemed to pull out all the stops to help Cher tonight so I'm now guesing it will be Katie, Mary and Rebbecca in the bottom 3 on Sunday with Katie surving yet again. It no seems to be less of a music show and more of a soap opera.

The tension mounts.

Sunday really could be make or break for two of Cheryl's acts with a double eviction on the cards. The one with the lowest vote will go automatically while two other acts will have to go to a sing off. Katie and Cher must be very nervous after last week when Cher was in the bottom two and Katie only escaped by a whisker. I can't see either of them picking up Paije's supporters so once again we will have three girls really fighting over around 25% of the vote.  I reckon Katie will go and then Cher and Mary will be in the sing off.

Katie's hooker granny has said she will be backing Wagner so that doesn't sound like a vote of confidence in her grand daughters talents, may be she is backing Wagner because she sees him as a potential client.

Not another tatty tattoo.

It looks like Cheryl is trying to turn herself into a female David Beckham by having another tattoo on her body. Doesn't she realise that one day she may have kids and the stretch marks will make the tattoos look stupid. If you must partake of body art she should stick to Henna tattoos which will at least wash off after a few weeks.

The X-factor rumour mill has gone into overdrive again with gossip about Cher bonking a member of the production team in her dressing room, Katie all embarrassed about her granny being a hooker and Wagner just being himself as usual.  I think most people are getting pretty bored with it. I personally find 'I'm a celebrity get me out of her a lot more entertaining. I especially liked seeing Lembit Opik being bitten by a snake on tonights show.

Some of the people on the show are well mental and we get to see it in the raw without all the editing and miming you get on X-factor. Wouldn't it be great if they sent Louis, Simon, Cheryl and Dannii into the jungle. I'm sure the two girls would be fine and they would show up the blokes for the pathetic wimps that they actually are.

Now it's time to pick on Simon's group.

Well it had to happen eventually, after Simon has finished slagging off all the other acts, his group are now starting to feel the heat. They appear to have committed the unforgivable sin of miming on stage. Whilst I'm sure they probably do mime they are only copying all the other acts on the show. I think the problem Simon has got this year is that more viewers are now watching the show on HDTV's so it's now far easier to spot when someone's lips are not moving in time with the words.

All the evidence is pointing to the fact that Wagner keeps getting in the top half of the voting despite the fact that he can't sing and all the panel apart from Louis keep slagging him off. May be Simon needs to do what he did last year with Jedward and start praising Wagner a bit more, that would be the kiss of death on his chances of winning.

Katie is very upset that her granny has been exposed as a hooker and claims she has brought shame on the family. Poor, poor Katie let me get my violin out.

It's nice to see that Chelsea are back on track after winning 2:1 on Tuesday hopefully, they will now start to click in the league and start to pull away from the Manchester mob again.

All hail Saint Simon

Would you believe it Saint Simon has won a special Emmy for his contribution to TV and for his charity work. Charity work my arse! Is only contribitution to charity is to knock together so pisspoor cover version of a good song so he can promote some of his talentless acts. I bet he doesn't even have to break sweat. It hardly makes him the next mother Teresa or Bob Geldof.

Cheryl is busily telling people she is thinking of giving up X-factor to devote more time to her solo singing career. Surely that is not a wise move. Given how heavily she realies on the show to promote her records she really doesn't want to get on the wrong side of Simon especially now that he's got Cher waiting in the wings to take over from Cheryl as the nations sweet heart.

Knock,knock

According to the papers Wagner went knocking on Cheryl's dressing room door last night to try and clear the air but she wasn't having any of it. Why oh why do papers publish this drivel? And more to the point who blabbed te story to the press? It looks to me that the more Simon and co slag off Wagner the more votes he gets. Why don't they just ignore him and the public will soon get bored and stop voting for him.

If the leaks on twitter ate to be believed Cher and Katie got a similar number of votes and it could just have easily been Katie in the bottom two again. With Paige now gone it looks like Cheryl's act's are all competing for the same 25% of voters.  So if one of the girls does really well the other two would be drinking in the last chance saloon. That would be a tough call for Simon save Katie or Cher. I suspect he might just go with Cher because she looks a bit like Cheryl and Simon clearly has a crush on Cheryl.

So much for attacking Wagner.

I'm still not sure what Cheryl aimed to achieve by attacking Wagner last night but she certainly didn't get him relegated to the bottom two. Instead Wagner survived and her little clone ended up in the bottom two instead.  Is this a sign that Simon has lost his touch. They threw everything but the kitchen sink at Wagner this week and he's still in the competition, he's slowly turning into the Terminator. Apart from getting him deported it's hard to see how Simon is going to deal with Wagner.

Why wash your dirty washing in public pet.

Tonights X-factor was all pretty dull until Wagner did his turn and then both the girls made themselves look extremely silly as usual, Dannii had nothing constructive to say about his singing so babbled on about nothing. Cheryl also failed to address his singing but instead attacked him for comments he is meant to have made about her to a tabloid journalist.  Surely if she wanted to have it out with him she could have done it before the show. Instead she just made herself look silly when Wagner pointed out that his words had been twisted.

Given all the shit that has been thrown in Wagner's direction this week I'm guessing it will be Wagner and Katie in the bottom 2 and she will be saved yet again even if she blows the sing off. Her survival will only be short-lived though because once Wagner goes there will be no more joke acts left and the only act likely to end up in the bottom two with Katie is Mary. That would make for an interesting sing off.

Ashley has had another bad day losing to the Brummies. It looks like everything has gone tits up since Ray Wilkins was given the boot. There is a lot of pressure on the boss right now but if they decided to sack him who would take his place unless they can lure back Gus Hiddink. To make thing worse united beat Wigan with a little help from the ref.

What about dogs in need.

Cheryl has taken time off from dealing with her needy acts to do her bit for Children in Need. Whilst her appearance on the show was very impressive I would have been even more impressed if she had spent more time with me and Coco. Cheryl really does need to learn that charity begins at home.

Katie doesn't know why everyone hates her.

Katie has been blabby to the papers claiming that she doesn't know why she is so hated by the public. Well Katie let me help you out.
Firstly the public hate fakes.
Secondly you can't sing for toffee.
Thirdly your costumes are rubbish.
Fourthly you are still in the competition even though you keep ending up in the bottom two.
Fifthly you keep blabbing to the press.
Sixthly you are ultra annoying.

I could go on but life's to short. If you really want some advice one dog to another, get yourself booted off the show and try and get yourself in the jungle. A couple of bush tucker trials and the nation might start to warm to you.

Louis has been bitching about Cher again claiming she is miserable and stroppy, does he think he's the only person on the show who is allowed to be grumpy and throw tantrums. Lighten up Louis it's only a bloody TV talent show.

Get Wagner.

It looks like Simon is pulling out all the stops to try and ensure that Wagner ends up in the bottom two this week. Let's face it if Katie is in the sing off again Wagner is probably the only act left in the show who she beat in a sing off.  Simon has definitely gone nuclear by revealing that Wagner has been getting incapacity benefit while dancing and jigging about on the show. Most of the tabloids consider anyone who might be swinging the lead on benefits as scum so they are bound to give him a hard time especially has he is Brazilian.  A benefit scrounger and a foreigner!

Why is Cheryl still getting flak

It would appear that whatever Cheryl does these days she cops for flak. On Sunday all the Cheryl did was support her act and she got booed for her efforts. Don't the public realise that Cheryl is just a small cog in the X-factor machine. Like everybody else on the show she takes all her orders from Simon.

Another murky Monday.

Katie may have survived but the X-factor has taken another bashing today in the papers and on the web with everyone now claiming the show is fixed.  No one seems to believe that Katie has gone from rock bottom of the voting last week to only second to rock bottom this week.  There are also various stories about the judges squabbling with each other after the show. It certainly doesn't look very pretty or very dignified from where I'm sitting.

As I was walking round the park today all I kept hearing were the words 'X-factor, fix and crap.' surely these are not the kind of thing that Sir Simon would want to hear said of his show.  At one point it got so bad I started to pretend I wasn't really a celebrity pooch. I think I might need to change my name by deed poll or start wearing a mini Burka so that people don't recognise me as Cheryl's dog. It's OK for Cheryl if the shit hit's the fan after the final she can hot foot it off to LA leaving me behind to take all the flak.

OMG

What the F*ck has Cheryl done to her hair tonight? She looks like the Princess in Star wars.

How the F*ck did the weasal survive yet again?  I really felt she was going this week especially has it was her third time in the bottom two. Given she was miles behind everyone last week in the voting how has she managed to overtake Aiden this week? I think Simon and Cheryl must have set up a call centre in India where 5 year old kids are paid 5p a day to cast votes for Katie.  I'm sure that Simon must know the result of the phone poll before he makes his judgement on who to save.  Simon never likes to be seen backing a loser so he would only back an act if he knows thy are already safe. When wll Simon finally get the message that no on likes Katie.

Ash had a stinker of a day losing to Sunderland and gifting them a third goal with a stupid back pass.  After the game he claimed hewas injured so he could skip the France game.

Elton Bloody John!

Jesus, which one of Simon's merry helpers decided to have an Elton John night? What a waste of space. None of the acts left in the show could do any of Elton's songs justice especially as none of them can play the piano.  Katie was dreadful but Simon and Cheryl wouldn't have a bad word said about her, Louis has edged his bets this week by slagging Katie off but what will happen tomorrow if she is in the bottom two again? Perhaps some one in the production company has been armed with a rifle to shot one of the other contestants if Katie looks like losing or will Simon try and get Wagner deported just so Katie can survive another week.

Today's papers were full of tedious non-stories about the show including one story that suggests that Matt likes to get his oats 7 times a night! How stupid is that for a story no woman would shag a man with a beard seven times a night, just think of all the friction burns she would have on her thighs. Katie has supposedly had another blazing row with Cheryl, Wagner has been pestering grannies and one of the lads in the boyband has been using his 15 mintutes of fame to get his legover. Have we really got another 6 weeks of this to go?

Do they really need a fifth judge?

Simon and the rest of his goons have put their thinking caps on and decided that the best way to avoid a repeat of last Sunday's fiasco is to bring in a fifth judge. What is the point of that? Any new judge would be well and truly in Simon's pocket so they would still finish up letting rubbish acts stay on the show. Why not just stop the judges from voting and leave it all to the public? Members of the public spend a lot of cash registering their votes so why not let the public say who stays and who goes and then you will avoid any new fiascos and end all the talk of fixes. Simples.

God it's been windy today at one point when I was down at the part I thought I was about to become a kite flying in the air at the end of my lead. All the dogs at the park were pretty wild today so there was no chance of getting a quick jump. 

Now Dermot is getting it in the neck.

Simon is not a happy bunny and he is blaming all his woes on poor old Dermot. He is spitting feathers because Dermot blabbed about Sunday's farce on the X-factor.  I'm sure Simon would love to sack him but could you just imagine the can of worms that would open. Dermot knows where too many bodies are buried. If Dermot suddenly found he had some spare time on his hands I'm sure he could soon knock up a very juicy autobiography that wouldn't make pleaseant reading for Simon.

I'm not sure what's going on at the Bridge with Ray making a sudden exit today. It's probably just the Godfather clearing the way to bring in one of his own people as his number two. The only other possible explanation is that Romam is starting to cut back his spending at the club. That would be bad knews for Ash given he's one of the big earners and one of the older players. He could be next out of the door.

Dermot finally spills the beans.

Looks like Dermot has found his moral compass, he has told the papers that Sunday nights fiasco was all rehearsed and that if it had gone to deadlock Katie would have been well and truly stuffed. Despite his admission thousands of fans are still blaming Cheryl and calling for her to be sacked. I reckon Simon has been stoking up all the anti-Cheryl stuff to try and convince her that it is time to leave Britain and head for the states.  He probably thinks if she stays here long enough she might get back together with Ash. That would well and truly piss Simon off.

Katie is busy preparing for the weekend but I really can't see why she should bother the public clearly don't like her and short of one of the other acts dropping dead on stage she will get booted off on Sunday. She should just enjoy herself and make the most of it, this time next year she could well be in the Jungle with Ant and Dec.

All the papers have rushed to print pictures of Cheryl getting a custard pie pushed in her face by a young fan. They all claim it's retribution for her behaviour on Sunday but they all know that she was actually just doing it for charity. But then when did good news ever sell newspapers?

Chezza is still in the eye of the storm.

Following Sunday nights fiasco Cheryl still seems to be copping for all the flak even though it was Dermot who screwed up by putting her in an awkward position. Why is no-one calling for his head on a plate? As usual the Daily Mail is punching below the belt by bringing Cheryl's wages into it.  They argue that she is paid nearly £2m a year to make difficult decision and not to shirk her responsibilities. She's actually paid that money because she's worth it. Millions of people watch the show just to see the Geordie goddess. How many would tune in each week if they brought back Sharon or that silly mare Geri.   Cheryl speaks from the heart and tells the truth if people don't like it they can get stuffed.

When the sh*t hits the fan.

After last nights voting fiasco Cheryl has spent most of the day in the firing line even though it wasn't really her fault. All the papers are screaming 'FIX', TreyC is saying it was all so unfair, and the puppet master himself is rubbing his hands thinking of all the extra revenue he is making.  If Simon as any kind of gent he would be rushing to Cheryl's defence, even Dermot could make a public apology for making Cheryl look like a tit but I can't see him being man enough to do that. 

About the only good news today is that Katie has gone a full day without having a meltdown, how the heck has she managed that? All the fix stories have pushed even more hacked off fans into the Wagner camp. Can you imagine what will happen next week if Wagner and Katie finish up in the bottom 2? Louis would have to back Wagner because he's one of his acts, having rejected Katie this week Dannii would have to do the same again next week, Cheryl would go with her girl leaving Simon to back Wagner and alow for deadlock.

I got to spend some rare quality time Cheryl today, it's amzing how she comes running to me when things start to get really tough. She must see me as a soothing influence. May be she could take me to the show next week so I could make the casting vote.

What the heck has she done now.

As I predicted earlier in the week two o Cheryl's acts finished up in the bottom two so what did she go and do? She refused to send either act home and Simon and Louis voted to keep Katie. What a stitch up! How can Simon keep saying that Katie would be the more succesful act when she has been in the bottom two on three ocassions now.  All the fans and newspapers are all crying fix and hopefully OFCOM will now intervene and force the show to publish voting figures.  The only fair way of dealing with tonights situation would have been to have gone to dead-lock and let the public decide.  Simon clearly didn't ant that to happen I wonder why?

Ash had a bad day today with Cheslea being beaten by the scouse mob. Why do the scousers always play well against Chelsea even when they are playing rubbish against everyone else? I think Torres only put on a show hoping that the big chief would put his hand in his pocket and buy him.

The blame game.

Looks like Simon has been busy exploiting Cheryl's trip to LA to gain extra publicity for the X-factor. The story doing the rounds is that while Cheryl was away all her acts were at each others throats. There's no evidence to back up the story but who cares? Most tabloid readers are more than happy to lap up these stories whether they are true or not.

Tonight's show was just as poor as last week Matt was the only act to do himself justice whilst most of the other acts just looked bored and fed up with the whole thing. Louis and Simon staged a row but even they struggled to muster up much enthusiasm. Arguing over whether or not  'Kids in a America' is an American anthem really does smack of scraping the barrel. Most of the acts were bad  but I think it will be Mary plus one of Cheryl's acts in thesing off. If Katie goes we will get the rant of all rants about how Cheryl has  neglected her so the judges will send home Mary just to keep the peace and save face.

Copy Cats?

Cher has been photographed wearing a track suit and the papers say that she is copying Cheryl's style. Since when was wearing a tracksuit considered being stylish? Millions of people wear tracksuits every day before they get around to getting dressed properly. The only fashion statement it makes is that the wearer can't be arsed to put anything else yet.

Looks like Cheryl's whistlestop trip to LA was more to do with business than pleasure. As well as meeting Derek she was busy negotiating a £6m record deal in the states. I can't blame her for heading off to the states rather than spending more time than necessary with her four acts and bolshie Brian.

Who's a busy girl then?

On Monday Cheryl took a day off from working with her acts so she could do a bit of advertising work and now she's swanned off over to LA to see Derek.  Who exactly running the show while madam is out enjoying herself. No wonder Katie and Cher are always having meltdowns if their mentor is never around to help them. Perhaps she's left it all to Brian this week, he seems to think he's the brains behind the operation any way.

After spending the last three weeks claiming she was about to quit the show Katie has now turned round and told her parents she has no intentions of quitting. Of course she's got to tell her parents that after spending most of her life sponging off her parents to fund her singing career. Hopefully come Sunday she won't have much say in the matter if she gets given the boot. Simon really should arrange for two acts to get kicked off this week to try and get rid of some of the deadwood.

Talking of deadwood when is it going to stop pissing it down with rain so I can get down to the park and get some action. I ant to get a few more shags in before the cold weather arrives and my dick shrivels away to nothing.

Ash got in a spot of bother after the Chelsea match after a few of his mates had a fight outside a club. He really should take a bit more care over the kind of people he hangs around with, there are loads of people out there who would love to have a pop at him just to improve their street cred.

Has Simon given up on X-factor?

While I realise he can't be as busy as the other judges now that he has only got one act left, even so he seems to spending more and more times on other projects rather than giving 100% commitment to X-factor.  Last night he had a meeting with George Michael and Jonathan Ross to discuss how he could revive their careers. May be he's planning to bring back Wham with Ross taking the place of Andrew Ridgely, whilst this would have a cetain novelty item about it Ross would probably struggle with a lot of Wham's old songs. Will the public really buy a record with Ross singing about Fweedom?  He certainly seems keener to work with thse two old foggies rather than working with his non-descript boyband.

After all the recent talf of Cher and Katie heading for meltdowns today the big story is that they've buried the hatchet and they are now best friends helping each other to cope with all the stress of miming on stage to a backing track. We will have to see how long that friendship last then. I'll give it until Sunday.

Ashley had a good night tonight helping Chelsea stuff the Russian's 4-1.

Simon Pulling the strings again.

Mr.C is apparently going round encouraging the girls to do plenty of crying in front of the camera because he thinks it's good for viewing figures.  May be he should get the people in the front row of the audience to bring along chopped onions to ensure there are plenty of tears on stage. Surely we can't be in for 8 more weeks od sobbing can we. If the stage gets any wetter it could easily collapse especially if Wagner and Mary start doing a vigorous dance on stage.  Talking of Mary, she is talking about having a gastric band fitted to try and lose weight. So unlike Simon she may well have a band at the end of the show.

It must be Tuesday beacuse there are even more stories about how vulnerable Cher is feeling. The production crew claimg they have to tiptoe around her because she is mentally fragile. If these stories are true then Simon should do the right thing and kick her off the show, if the stories are a pack of lies then Simon should issue a denial everytime that the rumours start circulating. Yesterday her uncle was in the paper claiming she was bullied at school because she used to live in a caravan. What's wrong with living in a caravan? It sounds just the right vehicle for Cher's talent.

Louis has taken a dislike to Cher because of some of the faces she pulls hen she is on stage, talk about the kettle calling the pot black!

Cheryl's busy day off.

Cheryl is taking a day off from X-factor today after all the emotions and high drama of last night. She spent hours on the phone to Katie telling her everything will be OK next week, then she spoke to all the other girls giving them advice.  Surely she must know anytime soon she is going two of her acts in the bottom two and them she will have a tough decision to make. If Katie ever lands in the bottom 2 again Cheryl will have no alternative but to put her out of her misery and send her home.