How did Katie Survive again?

I got very excited at one point this evening when it looked as though flakey Katie was about to get booted off X-factor and then tha stupid Dannii voted to save her, what was she think of? Katie is even a worse singer than Dannii which is really saying something.  Surely if she ends up in the bottom 2 again the judges must realise that the writng is on the wall and ditch her.  Tonights sing off proved what I've said all a long, if you can't handle one song without crying a career in music is probably not for you pet.

Dannii and Cheryl snubbed JK when he sang on the results sow tonight after he gave an interview in which he used some choice words to describe how lacking in talent he thought the pair were.  If he hates the show so much why was he so keen to appear on it? He must be desperate to sell loads of records so he can buy a few new cars and hats.

Cheryl managed to get to the top of the charts even though her performance on last weeks show was panned because she mimed.

If we have another bloody trick or treater knocking on the door I will sink my teeth into them.

Matt Speaks for us all.

Matt has spoken for us all when he told Katie to get out of his face. She really must be one of the most annoying acts ever to appear on the show. She has no real talent but plenty of attitude. She's good at manipulating the media but can't sing for toffee.

The Chelsea boys left it late today, but a win is a win. If you can win while playing rubbish it all bodes well for another league title. United snatched a win as well but their second goal looked well dodgy.

I did start watching X-factor tonight but gave up at the second interval because some of the acts were so dire. I also got annoyed with Simon when he said he was used to working with dummies.  He's also the only person I know who starts a sentence with the word 'Look' 

Another day another meltdown.

As the X-factor continues to drag on yet another contestant is accused of having a meltdown. Today it was Cher grabbing the headlines for her bizarre behaviour. Surely if Cher is struggling with the pressure of singing one song a week how will she cope doing ninety minutes a night seven days a week.

Katie wakes up and smells the coffee.

Apparently Katie is not happy because everyone hates her. Didums, didums, didums. What does she expect she is probably one of the most irritating contestants ever to make it through to the live TV stage, but sadly for her she also lacks talent. If she did have an ounce of talent some of her prima donna behaviour could be ignored but she is all image and no substance so if people hate the imaged she's screwed. Luckily for her there are still several other bad acts still in the show so she might just survive a few more weeks.

Simon was caught having a fag outside a restaurant with Jeremy Clarkeson, how come a newpaper snapper can catch these two but terrorists never seem to manage it?

Is Cheryl the mystery celeb?

Several papers have run a story about a anonymous singer who was being blackmailed by a burgular who broke into their house and stole two lap-tops with some naughty photos on. The papers are not allowed to identify the singer but they do give quite a few clues. They mention that the singer was in the house with another relative who was sleeping in a separate bedroom. That could easily be Cheryl and her mum. They also say two computers were stolen and Cheryl did appear to lose a couple of computers earlier in the year because I had trouble finding a lap-top to write my blog on.  The only bit of the jigsaw missing is that there is no indication about who else was in the pictures and why they were worth so much money. I'm sure this will all come out in good time.

An Internet campaign has been launched to try and help Wagner to win X-factor, the misguided souls running the campaign hope that helping the hopeless Brazilian cooner to win will really piss off Simon Cowell. Knoing Simon though he will turn this to his advantage because if Wagner does win Simon will force him to wear a pink padded suit and  re-release the 'Blobby' song to try and win the Christmas number one slot.

Now Nadine sticks in the knife.

After many papers slated Cheryl yesterday, today one of her backing singers Nadine has come out and stuck the knife in claiming that she would never mime on X-factor. Well that's easy for her to say because she will never be invited on the show in the first place. It looks as though she is just jumpimg onto the anti-Cheryl bandwagon for some cheap publicity.

The knives are out again for Cheryl.

Last nights X-factor show was meant to be Cheryl's big opportunity to flog her new single to a large TV audience but as usual it simply brought the back stabbers in their droves. In todays papers all the stories were abour Cheryl miming on stage. Do the idiots who write these articles really think that singers really sing on live shows? Of course everyone mimes on live TV. Imagine some one singing live and forgetting the words that would be career over. She may have been miming but at least she had recorded the song earlier so it was her own voice she was miming to.  If she wasn't allowed to mime she wouldn't be able to do all the dancing that the audience and TV viewers like to see.

Wagner managed to survive yet again, I think the public keep voting for him just to piss off Simon. Simon might eventually have to do what he did last year with Jedward and claim that he suddenly likes Wagner, the public would then drop him like a hot potato.  All Cheryl's acts just managed to survive but with all four singers competing forthe same fan base their votes will start to spread very thinly and one could easily go next week.

How much longer can this go on?

Just been watching last nights X-factor on Sky Plus, what total dross, out of all the performances last night there were probably about two worth watching, fortunately with the remote I was able to fast forward to the comments. Were the judges actually watching the same thing as the audience? They seemed to praise every one apart from Wagner who was actually the only really entertaining act all night.  They even praised Cher's singing even though she was miming all the way through. You can't do all that running around the stage singing without breaking in sweat or missing the odd note.  If she really is the future of British music they should hand out the razor blades now.

I can't believe how all the acts kept going on about their night out at Top Shop, anyone would think it was a big advertising feature for Simon's good mate Phillip Green. 

Pass me a violin!

Cheryl has yet again been opening up her heart to her beloved fans. Chezza is busy telling everybody who can be bothered to listen that this has been the worst year of her life. I'm sure that will earn her a great deal of sympathy from the thousands of people who have lost there jobs or homes this year.  OK she's had it a bit rough but she wll still end the year millions of pounds better off than when she started it, she will still be on the front of every magazine and she will still have a multi-million pound recording contract.

Some of Cheryl's acts seem to be taking a leaf out of her book in terms of self publicity. Flakey Katie collapse in Top Shop and when she came round blamed it on the fact that she was being over-worked. Katie if you really want to get in the papers for passing out at least find somewhere slightly more classier than Top Shop to do it in.  If she had keeled over in Harvey Nics at least she could have had a nice cup of coffee when she came around.

Cher says she is being picked on because some one has put a video on youtube claiming she was a bully. Whilst she keeps denying ever having been a bully the attitude she puts out on the show certainly suggest that she would be more than capable of bullying people to get her own way. 

How Greedy is that Wayne Rooney?

I know that Ashley has often been dubbed as being greedy after he quit Arsenal for Chelsea, but how bloody greedy is Rooney? He was already earning a fortune before he threw his mega strop but now Man U have offered to double is wages.  What is the point of that? What is he going to do with all his extra cash? It's not as though Colleen is going to let him go back to a casino anytime soon!

Cheryl has been sounding off again this time she has been telling Radio One that she doesn't understand men. Well that's not surprising given that she spends most of her time with Simon, Louis and Brian on X-factor and Derek and Will.Iam when she' not on X-factor.(four puffs and a rapper). She needs to meet some real men who now how to look after a woman.

Cheryl is also claiming we will see an all new Cher at the weekend singing a ballad, well I better make sure I have a sick bag at the ready.  About the only thing Cher is good at apart from gurning is dancing so if she cuts that out she will come a cropper.  Cheryl must be hoping to lose one of her acts soon because it must be bloody hard having to deal with four divas all the time.

Things are still getting to Wagner because now he's been pictured smoking wack backy. He clearly needs to relax more, he should come round and take me for a walk, that will help him chill.

Well Said Mr Wagner

The cold weather has clearly ruffled Wagner's feathers because he's been aving a good rant about X-factor in general and Cowell in particular claiming that Cowell stinks.  Why don't you tell us all something we don't already know.  You don't get to be as rich as Simon without treading on a few toes, pulling some fast-ones and basically robbing people blind.  The only problem Wagner will find now is that Cowell will ensure he gets a bad press for the next few days, the worst song to sing on Saturday and the worst slot to sing it in.  So basically Wagner has now shafted himself. But Cowell won't be too disappointed to get even more free publicity for the show.

I wish there were as many bitches in the park as there are in the X-factor house.

The promised cold weather duly arrived today and as a result I had a very frustrating visit to the park. There were almost no bitches there at all and most of them that did turn up were wearing silly dog coats which were really off-putting.  A combination of the cold weather and the horrible dog coats meant it was almost impossible for me to get an erection.  I did get a semi for a while but I decided it wasn't worth risking my reputation trying to have a shag if I couldn't guarantee to satisfy the lovely lady.

I think I should go to the X-factor house because there are clearly plenty of bitches in there.  Katie has so annoyed the other contestants that she has been labelled Katie Weasal,  Cher just seems to have an attitude problem with everybody and so of the other acts are more than capable of a bit of back stabbing. Luckily they have got Mary to calm  them all down but once she goes a civil war could break out.

Money for old rope

Simon Cowell is to get £100m from ITV for churning out the same drivel for the next few years. So all the talk about X-factor ending or Simon quitting was all just hype to push up the amount of money that ITV would eventually pay him. Surely their must be some original shows out there somewhere that don't exploit the vulnerable or torture the viewers.

It's all kicking off in the X-factor house with Wagner walking out because he can't stand the tension. Cher and Katie are fighting like cats and dogs inside the house but then come out and pose for the snappers pretending the best of friends.  Can you image trying to fit all those bulging egos into such a relatively small house.

Contestants are also moaning because they only get £30 a week spending money. I can't see what they are complaining about they dn't pay rent and all there food and clothing is paid for so all the cash is for is to buy a few fags and a couple of coffees if they ever dare venture out of the house.

The peasants are revolting

After being eliminated from X-factor last night Storm and Dival Fever turned on their mentors. Storm claimed that Louis had given him the wrong look while Diva Fever blamed Simon for giving them the wrong song.  Louis clearly has little experience of working with any act over 30 so it is hardly surprising he screwed up with storm, I mean really what man would take fashion advice from a scruffy paddy?  As for Simon, he's great at exploiting talent one it has emerged but is track record of getting raw acts and making them a success is not much to write home about, he follows trends rather than sets trends.

Cheryl Still losing fashion wars.

Cheryl still appears to be losing in her fashion war with Dannii. Cheryl is too busy sticking her fingers in too many pies to concentrate on doing battle with Dannii.  Apart from being a mum, Dannii concentrates all her efforts on shining on the judges panel and so far she is giving a good account of herself.

Has the pantomime season started early.

After watching the first our of tonight's X-factor I'm beginning to think that the pantomime season has started early. Simon had ago at Cheryl over last weeks fake tan fiasco so she hit back having ago at his very white teeth. We also had the usual Louis baiting. We even had Cher on stage as the ugly sister.

Louis has been bitching in the papers again about Cheryl calling her 'trashy', is that really any kind of way to talk about a fellow judge?

Chelsea were firing blanks again today, good job the defence managed to keep a clean sheet.

Has Cheryl managed to clone herself.

Looking in the papers today you would think that Cheryl had successfully managed to clone herself. One paper has her turning up to work with red hair trying to sell some new hair product or other, she has done an interview with Piers Moron in which she claims she was 24 hours away from dying and that she still loves Ashley, and there are still lots of pictures of her new album cover splashed obver the papers.

Cheryl has also got a mention in the papers courtesy of Graham Norton who reckons her recent illness has damaged her brain causing her to pick such bad acts this year. Trust him to be doig Louis dirty work for him. Have all the Irish Lephercorns decided to gang up on Cheryl all of a sudden. Next it will be Terry Wogan wading in with a load of anti-Cheryl twaddle.

Cheryl's acts have been busy trying to raise their profiles prior to Saturday's show. Katie is telling everyone she wants to be famous and become an Icon. Given the way she managed to trick her ay into the final 12 surely she means i con. Cher is claiming that under her tough exterior she is very fragile, well we would never have guessed that and even Trayc has even managed to cobble together a little sob story designed to pull in a few extra votes.  Simon really needs to bring in some better PR executives to polish up the publicity for the show because the current lot are a bunch of amateurs.

When will Cheryl move on.

Despite having divorced Ashley, Cheryl still doesn't appear to have moved on in her life. She has kept his surname and she continues to live in his house. Now she has made a record that is being touted as an attack on Ash, one of the lines says 'I've sold all the diamonds and burned all your clothes'. Well if she has I can't say I've noticed. The only person mental enough to burn his clothes is probably the Mother-in-law, and could you really imagine Cheryl going to the pawn brokers to flog some diamonds?  She really just needs to move on and forget about him.

Let the sob stories commence.

One of Cheryl's X-factor acts has been complaining that she has been bullied in the X-factor house and has even considered quitting the show because of the bullying.  What a surprise a few days after nearly being voted off the show Katie is already starting to work on her sob stories to try and gain a few extra votes. If she is not after the sympathy vote may be it could just be her attempt at being allowed to live away from the hussle and bustle of the house. If I was her I'd be keen to get away from the other nut jobs as well.

Cher has also been having a good moan about the costumes she is being made to wear on the show. Apparently she threw a hissy fit on Saturday because she didn't want to be dressed like a cheap whore.  She needs to ask herself if she would have got through if she had not been tarted up? Her singing or should I say her miming was poor so she needs to rely on her looks and clothes to carry her through. I could probably understand her grievances more if she had not allowed herself to be phtographed wearing a cardigan that wouldn't look out of place on Starsky and Hutch.

I think Cheryl's acts are clearly learning the tricks of the trade very quickly, Cheryl is obviously teaching them well.

Following England's piss poor performance has seen more calls for Fabio to get the boot, sadly I don't think England can't afford to sack him, and he's in no rush to leave because when he returns home he will have the taxman knocking on his door about money he has earned in previous jobs.  The good news for Chelsea is that Rooney is clearly still out of sorts and Frank Lampard and John Terry both missed the match so they should be fit for the weekend.

The X-factor publicity machine keeps chugging along.

With the first lot of elimination now in the distant past Simon is now having to work overtime keeping X-factor in the headlines. There seem to have been plenty of leaks flying around to keep the papers interested.
Louis and Cheryl are meant to be at each others throats with Louis telling Cheryl that she is more interested in promoting herself rather than helping her acts. That man can be so bitchy at times.

We have also had the usual stories about contestants hooking up together. Todays unlikely couple are Katie and Storm.  I suppose a love story suits both of them it makes Katie look more human and Storm can pretend he's ten years younger than he actually is.

Dannii has also revealed that she wants to bury the hatchet with Sharon Osbourne, lets just hope it's a very sharp hatchet.

There is also a story in the papers claiming that thousands of women have got a secret crush on Simon I don't know what do all these women see in a multi-millionaire pop mogul with luxury houses and yachts all over the world.

Away from X-factor, England's game with Montenegro proved to be a real letdown finishing as a 0-0 draw. At least Ash picked up the record for the most caps by a left-back. Just a shame he couldn't get the ball in the net.

Fashion Wars

This years X-factor is clearly a non-event because most of the papers are more interested in what Cheryl and Dannii are wearing rather than if any of the acts in the contest have got any real talent. Most of the journalists seem to think that Dannii has got the edge in the fashion stakes so far. Well that should not really come as any surprise should it.  Let's face facts Cheryl is younger and better looking than Dannii so therefore Dannii has to put more of an effort in on the fashion front just to keep up.  Cheryl has had a nightmare over the last week with all the negative publicity so it's hardly surprising that she has not being paying as much atention to the clothes she wears.  She also seems to have overdone the fake tan a little which just makes her look cheap.

The decision to save Katie has gone down like a lead balloon with the public, everyone apart from the three judges who saved her can tell she's all image and no substance.  If you really are going to mime all the way through a song you should at least open your eyes whilst singing.  One of the boys was told singing with your eyes closed is a big no no, but that rule doesn't seem to apply to Katie.

What a Marathon

Finally watched X-factor on Sky Plus, even with Cheryl fast forwarding through the adverts it still lasted nearly two hours, Cheryl kept moaning about how bad her fake tan looked on TV I don't know why she didn't just alter the colouring on the screen to make it look better.

Of all the 16 acts I really can't spot an obvious winner, may be once all the dead wood has gone a favourite will emerge. I can't see any of Cheryl's acts winning because they are one trick ponies. Cher didn't appear to sing at all last night because she was concentrating so much on the dancing that she kept forgetting to mime the words, Katie was OK but it was a piss easy song. Wagner looks like a real nut job but e is lacking in versatility. Mary is a crowd pleaser but is probably too old and too fat to cut the mustard as a pop star. I still think Simon wants a band to win so the rest are just there to make up the number.

I can't believe so of the stupid comments made last night, especially when he kept bemoaning how bland and predictable the pop business had become, I wonder whose fault that is then. He also tried to make out that none of the stories in the papers had anything to do with him. Yes, that's right. This is the man who has Max Clifford on speed dial.  

Simon calls in the fourth emergency service.

With the Gamu story going into overdrive Simon has let it be known that he's got his top lawyers helping to keep her in the country.  Given that we are currently not sending any one back to Zimbabwe at the moment I can't really see why he needs so many lawyers to fight the case. I think even I could win that case.

I don't know if I will be able to sit through all two and a half hours of X-factor tonight I think I might watch it on Sky Plus tommorrow so I can fast forward through all the rubbish acts and all Simon's stupid comments. In fact if I cut through all the crap I could probably watch the entire show in 10 minutes.

And on it goes

Five days and counting and the Gamu story is still rumbling on.  Cheryl is still trying to claim that she's been stitched up and she is demanding that the shows bosses make a statement at the start of Saturday's name to clear her name. That's never likely to happen because that would require Simon to admit that he's the puppet master pulling all the strings.

The blame game.

Four days after the controversy began the blame game has begun. Cheryl is still claiming that she was only following orders when she sent Gamu home but Simon is trying to make out it is all Cheryl's doing. What kind of cad would drop a girl in it just like that.  Simon has clearly seen all the protests that are now surrouding Cheryl ans has decided he want's to stay well away from it.

The house has become like a fortress and Cheryl is planning to get even more security. She's become so spooked by it all that she is even thinking of walking away. In many ways walking would be the best thing to do especially if she could make out she is making a principled stand. The only slight problem with that approach is that it will make it extremely hard for her to get the X-factor job in the USA but that wouldn't be a bad thing. She could try something new like Dancing with the Stars, after a bit of success on there breaking into the America music market would be a doddle.

Hopefully there will be less media outside tomorrow and I'll finally make it down to the park for some fun and games with the local bitches who all want a piece of me. 

Now things are getting out of hand.

Looking at the front of today's papers it clear that the X-factor saga is now getting out of hand, according to 'The Sun' Cheryl is now getting death threats and 'The Star' says even David Cameron has become involved begging for a second chance for Gamu. Do none of these idiots realise that this is just a TV show! Nobody will die if they don't win the show, everyone who appeared on last weekends shows has got a good chance of a career in music even if they didn't make the last 12.


It does worry me that with all the talk of death threats Cheryl might trade me in for a tough guard dog.

I can't believe Cheryl has been daft enough to be photographed visiting the home of one of the singers she rejected on Sunday. Apparently it was all part of Simon's master plan to bring back some of the rejected acts to gain a bit of publicity.  All it actually did was to give some fool the chance to spray graffitti on Cheryl's car.

I'm seriously starting to think Simon is stirring all this shit up to persuade Cheryl she needs to move to LA as part of his master plan for world domination.

The plot thickens.

Following the backlash that Cheryl received after Sunday's show, Simon has been busy to day inventing various excuses to get Cheryl off the hook. Yesterday we were told that Gamu might get back into the show via a wild card. But today the story changed again with Simon's spin doctors claiming that Gamu could not be allowed through to the live shows because of concerns about her visa.  Surely exes on the show knew about this before she was picked to go to the judges house so why as she allowed to go to te judges house? Any contestant could drop out of the show at any time for a whole host of reasons so why would letting her through be such a risk. Cher could easy fold at the drop of a hat do to her mental and physical fragility. So what would happen if someone did fall out in the next few weeks? A wild card could be brought in at any time. If extra acts are going to be brought back anyway there are either going to be double eliminations some weeks or more acts are still going to be around for the final show.

 

Has Simon stitched up Cheryl

Cheryl has really been hammered in the papers today and on the Internet. It seems that thousands of people have objected to some of Cheryl's X-factor picks.  I can't really believe that she made her picks without some guidance from Simon, but where is he when Cheryl is getting all the flack?  Cheryl hardly got to see the acts so she had to rely on watching videos and listening to other judges.

Simon must be loving all the publicity and he has fanned the flames by suggesting there could be a twisted on Saurday with some of the rejected acts getting a second chance. That sounds like a bad idea to me especially if the acts come back and get rejected again very quickly. May be Simon has found out somethig about of the acts so he wants to change things around quickly before someone lets the cat out of the bag.

Kylie has told Dannii to end her feud with Sharon but I can't see her doing that before she has sold a few more copies of her book. And why should Dannii end the feud when she didn't start it in the first place.

Get those hankies out.

Cheryl is on X-factor at the moment deciding which three acts to keep and which five to send home.  It's a competition to see who is crying the most Cheryl or the girls. She keeps telling them that she is being brutally honest but what she really means is she has been told who to pick by Simon. Why does she keep picking quirky rather than concentrating on real talent. Simon has clearly decided that he doesn't want a girl winner this year so he's going for quirky girls to pull in the viewers.

Two hours of my life I will never get back.

Against my better judgement I sat down to watch Chezza on X-factor. Why, o why did I bother. It really was pants. The part when the acts tried to guess who their mentor might be was ludicrous. If you are flown all the way to Australia surely it's bloody obvious who you are going to be working with. Similarly given that only one of the judges is Irish a plane ticket to Ireland could only mean one thing. The girls must have been gutted though finishing up in Ascot!

In terms of performance only a handful of the acts have got any chance of winning, they should just send the rest home now and have done with it. Several of the acts couldn't even remember the words to the songs, while several of the girls thought having a good cry might help their chances. I'm sure Simon has come up with a list of 12 acts that will pull in the widest possible audience and get most coverage in the press.

Is there more than one Cheryl?

Looking at all the papers you could easily believe that Cheryl has been cloned, she seems to be everywhere at the moment, selling jewellery, signing books, giving interviews as well as working on X-factor. If she could be wired up to te national grid she would produce enough energy to power a small village.

Sharon is back in town and don't we know it. While praising X-Factor and most of the people on the show she managed to stick the boot into Dannii.  How pathetic is she having ago at a woman who has just had a baby.  She obviously thinks she needs to raise her profile because most people over here seem to have forgotten who she is.  I'm sure that once she is back on the box people will soon remember who she is and take an instant dislike to her once again.

Allan Sugar has even started to do some bitching claiming that his show is better tha Simon's. In the words of Harry Hill who's the best lets have a fight.