Simon talks tough.

After another car crash weekend on X-factor Simon is starting to crack the whip. He's told Kelly to get her butt back to London pretty sharpish or she will get the boot. Whilst this tough talk plays well with the media he could get into plenty of trouble if he does sack her she will be very quick in getting her story into the media very quickly. It will probably suit both sides if she quits the show on grounds of ill health allowing Simon to parachute in a new judge.

Twitter who?

Cheryl has returned to twitter again and has really got tongues wagging. Just because she said 'love you to' the papers have marred her off to some US TV producer. Surely typing 'love you to' is just being friendly it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to have his babies.

The meltdown continues.

Halloween seem to have arrived early on X-factor. Kelly appears to have stayed in the US rather than coming back for this weeks show, and one of the lads from the boy band as walked so the judges have replaced him with a singer who has already been axed.  Either Simon has messed up big style or all these events have been planned and scripted to boost the shows ratings we won't have to wait long to find out the answer.

Why stick the boot into Johnny?

The only character in this years X-factor is being accused of being a benefit cheat in the papers. Hopefully this is just a bit of tabloid bullshit because without him the show will be finished. Last year Wagner played a key part in keeping the public glued to the show and Cher and Katie also attracted a lot of attention mostly because the public didn't like them. Without pantomime characters it becomes nothing but a third rate singing contest. The producers of Strictly will be popping the champagne corks if X-factor loses even more figures.

His Simon juggling too many plates.

With the British version of X-factor entering meltdown Simon seems to be having problems state side, he is basically trying to run the American show on his own while the other judges sit on their hands and fail to do any straight talking.  All this stress will turn his hair grey or give him more wrinkles so expect him to disappear over Christmas for some work on his face and hair.

Ash and the boys had a lucky escape when another muppet of a ref sent off a Chelsea player for no reason.

The rows rumble on.

Most of the papers have fallen for all the over-hyped rows between the judges on X-factor. Kelly has even flown back to LA in a hough to try and give the story legs.  It really shows how poor the acts are this year that the shows producers are having to pull every stunt in the book to try and full in extra viewers.

The knives are out for Louis

It looks like Simon is pulling out all the stops to get rid of Louis. After all the rumours yesterday of Louis getting the boot, today even some of the contestants are starting to call for his head. Sami has tried to pin the blame Louis for not saving her this week but surely she must have cottoned on by now to the fact that fatties never win X-factor. She was nothing more than a novelty act who appealed to older viewers. If Sami had won Simon would have topped himself. Whilst Louis can be an idiot at times he is the only judge with any experience of managing a successful pop act.

Louis to get the boot.

It looks like Simon is losing patience with Louis and is threatening to give him the boot if the show doesn't start pulling in more punters. Simon may even fly in from America to try and get a grip of the show.  How long will it before he tries to lure Cheryl to return to the judging panel?

Justin loves Cheryl

Justin Bieber thinks Simon Cowell made a wrong decision when he fired Cheryl Cole from 'The X Factor'. Why is it only teenage boys like Justin who still give a toss about Cheryl?

Chelsea were robbed today with the ref sending off two of their players and awarding a penalty to QPR. At least I had the pleasure of seeing United well and truly thrashed.

Simon is not a happy bunny.

Simon is still spitting feathers about the way the new series of X-factor is rapidly going down the fan. One paper even reported he had threatened to sack all the judges. But what would be the point, he hand picked al the judges himself so if he now turns round and says they are rubbish it will reflect badly on him. If there were any sackings who would he bring in as replacements? I don't think anyone in their right minds would want to take on any of the current batch of contestants.

Despite all of Simon's rantings tonight's show was fairly dire. Who stupid idea was it to introduce a rock night when hardly any of the acts have got a clue what rock actually is. Johnny and Kitty made an effort but the others were out of their comfort zones and it showed.

I can tell winter is round the corner because my Willy has shrunk. It's so small it's nearly disappeared.

Cheryl has been tweeting again

Killing some time before hitting the recording studio, Cheryl, 28, took to Twitter to play “ask me a question, any question!” with her fans.

Promising some dynamite revelations, she posted: “ATTENNNNNTION! Soldiers, I’m about to drop some bombs.. Ask me some questions.. LEGGO!!”

Sixty minutes later, Cheryl’s 715,147 followers knew her preferred hot drink, her favourite time of day (“night”) and her most used emoticon.

Asked who she’d like to be reincarnated as, she replied: “Marilyn Monroe/Audrey Hepburn rolled into one.” A kind of celeb hybrid, if you will.

OOH! The celeb she most fancies is Rihanna – complete with winky kissy face, in case we actually thought she was a lesbian.

Cheryl doesn't seem to realise that the problem with Twitter is that if you broadcast the first thing that comes into head you will later come to regret some of the rubbish you have tweeted.

Simon pulls another fast one.

It has been revealed that X-factor winners will not get the much publicized £1m contract that they have always been promised. In future the winner will have to have 5 successful  albums to earn £1m. Well I can't see any of the current managing one successful album let alone 5. Only a few of the most winners have gone any where near to that level of success. Leona has managed to make £20m but she had actually got plenty of talent.

Ashley and the boys had another good night in Europe scoring 5 goals but they could easily have got into double figures.

Ashley is dating a Jordan wannabe

After all the twaddle that has been written about Ashley's love life the papers are now claiming that Ashley has had a secret lover for the past three months. The new woman in Ashley's life has been appearing in a TV show with Jordan and she even has a tattoo of the surgically enhanced glamour model.  Why would Ashley want to wake up every morning and look at a tattoo of Jordan staring him in the face.

There have been more rows on X-factor this time little Louis and catty Kelly have been giving each other bitch slaps and now they are not talking to each other.  You always know when viewing figures are dipping because suddenly the papers are full of stories about judges falling out in a bid to try and get the public interested.

The fans hit the shit

After another poor weekend viewing figures for X-factor have tumbled again. Things are so bad that it is now trailing Strictly Come Dancing in the ratings. If Cheryl is planning to release a Christmas hit she would be better off show casing it on Strictly rather than the X-factor.  Typically Simon has blamed the new judges for plummeting viewing figures even though he hand picked them all for the role.

I wonder if he is going to keep slagging off all the judges until one of them quits allowing Cheryl to make a return.  If he can't get Cheryl back may be he will get Gary to take a holiday so he can get back in the hot seat himself.

One of Cheryl's former backing singers has entered rehab to try and cut back on her drinking habit. Sarah Harding seems to have finally got the message that constant boozing is not a good idea. I'm sure Cheryl will be supportive of her former colleague. Cheryl has so far avoided any kind of rehab or if she as had rehab she has managed to keep it quiet.

Simon has been spotted out and about with a woman who is the splitting image of his current squeeze, what message is he trying to send out? Perhaps he is saying he doesn't mind who he is pictured with as long as it is a woman.

The Pantomime continues

Why did I bother watching X-factor again tonight. The acts this year are just so ordinary and when they sing such tired and predictable songs it's just like Karaooke night at a local pub, the only difference is that people have to watch it when they are fairly sober.

Ashley is getting in the papers for all the wrong reasons at the moment. Today one paper claimed he had bedded three different women in the same week. Knowing Ashley I can't see how he would have the energy to do that and play two games of football and train.  He certainly had enough energy left tonight to help Chelsea beat Everton comprehensively.

Chav to Fab

Apparently since joining X-factor Tulisa has gone from a Chav to fab in the fashion stakes. I don't see it myself she seems to have gone from Primark to Tesco's whilst being on the show.  Any talk of her competing the with Cheryl in the fashion stakes is pure bollocks.  At best she is fairly ordinary, she certainly won't be appearing on the cover of Vogue any time soon.

Let's make Rooney the scapegoat.

Now that Wayne Rooney has been banned for the first three matches of the European championship England are now getting their excuses in for why we are not going to win the competition. Rooney has been rubbish at every final he has played in so why would he have made a difference this time.  The truth is that England will never be as good as Spain.

Is Chezza off to LA

Cheryl has been spotted house hunting in LA. She was spotted looking around a £3m place in Beverley Hills.  But why does she want to spend so much money to go and live in a place where no-one can understand her accent. I'm sure she is just looking to buy a bolt hole to escape to if we have another cold winter over here. What a shame she can't take me. I could just picture my self strutting down Sunset Boulevard, I'm sure some of those stuck up bitches in America would like a bit of British rough.

To Russia with love.

Ash is now a target of a top Russian club who have offered to double his wages.  He must be tempted by the chance of picking up £10m a year at his age, he will be able to escape the attention of the feral British press and he will have is pick of a bevy of sexy women.

Cheryl is putting all her efforts into launching her own range of shoes, she obviously feels the need to try and compete with Posh as a fashion designer. Hope all goes well or it could end up being a load of cobblers.

Is the X-factor dying on it's feet.

A week ago producers were claiming that X-factor was going from strength to strength even without Simon, Cheryl and Dannii on the panel but at the weekend the chickens finally came home to roost with 1million viewers abandoning the show. Some experts are trying to blame it all on the adverts but in reality I really think they need to look more closely at the caliber of the acts. Whilst the show may  have a few characters this year the acts with real star quality are very thin on the ground. Are there really many acts on the show who would bring a tear to your eye if they got booted off?

Bring back Simon and Cheryl before it's too late. May be that is part of the plan, Gary could go off in a strop in a few weeks time causing Simon to return in person or by Video link. Simon could then wind up Kelly and Tulisa until one of them walks and leaves a space for Cheryl.

Cheryl shows a bit of leg

For some reason the papers seem to be fascinated with how beautiful Cheryl's legs are. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  Does it mean that journalist have grown tired of looking at the top half of her body and they are now only interested in the bottom half of her body. May be they have just not spotted them before because they have been so enchanted by her cute smile her nice firm boobs and her wonderful hair.

Last years script.

Having watched a bit of X-factor tonight I couldn't help thinking the judges were using last years script. Tulisa kept using all Cheryl's old lines and Kelly nicked many on Dannii's lines.  It looks like the judges are resorting to a lot of squabbling to cover up how weak many of the acts are this year.

Sarah Harding has left no hope of reunion between her and fiancee Tom Crane as she sent all the sexy Agent Provocateur underwear that the DJ bought her back to him in the post. Well at least he will now have something to sniff at when he misses her.

Cheryl on the booze.

Cheryl is all over the papers today looking the worse for wear after a night out on the booze with WilIam. That girl should know better than to go drinking in public with the cameras around her.  Because she is so thin half a pint of lager is usually enough to get her drunk. Some how every so often she has to go out and prove that she is a true Geordie by getting totally sozzled.

Whats wrong with dogs in Pyjamas?

The paper are making a big fuss about a dog who is forced to wear pyjamas because it has a skin condition. I wear silk PJ's all the time, any dog with a bit of class would wear night clothes for bed. The alternative would be to sleep in a blanket full of fleas. Where is the fun in that. Perhaps Cheryl could design a full range of nightwear just for dogs there must be a big untapped market out there if she can get in there super fast.

The fight back begins

After a long lay off Cheryl finally seems to be bouncing back, tonight she was on ITV honouring the heroes. She also had lots of good press about being the next Gok Wan hosting her own fashion show. And to top it all there is also a picture doing the rounds showing Cheryl locked in a passionate snog with one of the sexy boys from JLS. Before you know it she will be accused of being a cradle snatcher.

Blast from the past.

Cheryl was pictured at the Pride of Britain awards with little Joe McElderry. Whatever happened to little Joe's career after winning the X-factor? His record deal has been scrapped and recent reports suggest he's moved out of his posh swanky London flat and moved back in his mum.  This time next year Matt Cardle will be in the same boat.

Why did she wear that dress.

I can't believe that Cheryl has allowed herself to be photographed  wearing a dress designed by Victoria Beckham. Cheryl should be designing her own dresses rather than providing free publicity for Posh.  Whilst the dress is very nice it does make her look older than she actually is.

If Cheryl ever gets round to launching her own fashion label I wonder if Posh will return the favour by modelling the range? Then again would Cheryl want an old woman like Posh promoting her range?

Torture.

I don't know why I forced myself to watch X-factor again this weekend because it really does get on my nerves.  Why do the shows producers insist on dragging the rejection stuff out for so long? They go through the same routine each year where they cut from one act to another so you don't know who is getting the boot until the last minute.  It's torture to watch and it must be even worse if you happen to be a contestant.

The acts in the last 16 are much of a muchness as usual the judges seem to have gone for looks rather than singing ability for the younger acts and with the over 25's they have gone with eccentric plus the ex-soldier to pull on the heart strings. Given the poor quality of the field I reckon a couple of extra acts will be called back next week to try and spice things up.

Slow news day.

You always know it's a slow news day when the papers devote so much space to discussing Cheryl's new hairstyle. The fact that Cheryl has been having a bit of fun with her curling tongues is hardly big news.