Blonde Bombshell

All the papers seem to like Cheryl's new look but they seem to disagree on why she has done it. Some people think she has done it to mark a fresh start after the X-factor fiasco while others think that she has done it to try and rekindle her relationship with Ashley. Well I suppose we will have to see about that. I'm sure getting her career back on track will be her main prioty at the moment.

Cheryl’s waxwork at Madame Tussauds has been given a make-over to mark her 28th birthday tomorrow – but the former X Factor star’s new haircut has already left the revamp looking so, like, last season. What I can't understand is why they have not done a wax work of me so I can stand next to her in the museum. Now she had had the makeover what will she do now? Will it be a Girls Aloud reunion, a new TV project or will she have ago at acting. I'm sure we will find out very soon.

Louis let off

Little Louis is not going to be charged after a bloke claimed he'd got a biy over familiar in a public toilet.  Louis may have had the benefit of the doubt this time but now the papers have got him in their sights they will be picking over every last detail of his private life.

The patter of tiny feet.

Ashley has clearly got a new PR agent because the papers are full of quotes that only he could have made. One paper makes out that Cheryl regrets get divorced from Ash and wants to get back with him so they can start a family. No way has Cheryl said these things. It sounds like Ash has had some kind of fantasy and it has been reported as fact.

Cheryl turns camera shy.

Cheryl has been to the high court to get an order banning people from taking pictures of her. This seems a bit of a silly thing to do given that she is basically unemployed at the moment. I would have thought she needed as much exposure as possible at the moment to try and open a few doors and get some work. If she's not careful she could be signing on by Christmas.

Is Cheryl heading for Spain?

Ash looks like he's trying to woo Cheryl back by suggesting the pair of them should move to Spain.
Whilst I can see why Ash might fancy Spain with so many good teams over there I'm not sure there is a lot in Spain for Cheryl unless she's planning to launch a cabaret career entertaining pissed up Brits on the Costa Del Sol.  I think Ash might have more of a chance if he offers to move to LA Galaxy. They could then try and crack America together, leaving me in England on my tod.

Ash to splash the cash.

Ashley is now planning a spending spree to win Chezza back. Top of his shopping list is a flotation tank which is meant to help you relax. Ash has never been keen to throw his money around so he must think that he's got a chance at winning her over.

Ashley is still in the firing line.

The papers still seem to be gunning for Ash. All the stories about him start with the phrase 'Love rat Ashley'. When are the papers going to move on? Ash did make mistakes in the past but compared to Ryan Giggs and Wayne Rooney he's practically a saint.

Louis sees to have got into a spot of bother after a bloke said Louis got over familiar with him in a night club toilet. At the rate we are going this years X-factor wil be more like new faces.

Lets trash Ashley.

Looks like the papers are all gunning for Ash. Last week he was praised for taking the rubbish out whilst on holiday yet today the papers are criticising for taking to uch rubbish out. The boys on holiday for goodness sake of course he will create rubbish if he's feasting on pizza and drinking lots of bottled beer, give the bloke a break. He is obviously being trashed because of al the talk about him getting back with Cheryl. The papers would hate it if they hooked up again and everything turned out fine. Papers have to have heroes and monsters and it really doesn't suit their agenda for a monster to turn into a hero.

Put a sock in it Sharon

Sharon has decided to sticj her nose into Cheryl's life claiming that she was only offered the US X-factor job in the first place because the shows producers wanted to keep Simon sweet. Well thank you for sharing that with us you bitter and twisted old bag. Now shut up and get back to stirring your cauldron.

Cheryl is being urged to stay clear of Ash but I'm not sure she will take much notice of al the busy bodies.

Slowdown Ash

Ash has been gobbing off to the papers that he will soon be back together with Chezza. Surely this is the one sure way of messing up any chance he has got of relighting the fire with Cheryl.

For her part Cheryl has been telling the papers that the last couple of weeks have been fairly weird. She can say that again.

It's that time of year again when everyone goes tennis mad, some people are so deluded that they think Andy Murray has got a chance of winning. For him to win at least three other players would need to be struck down by injury and I can't see that happening.

Back with a bang.

Cheryl seems to be hell bent on grabbing as many headlines as she can this weekend, first she announces she is retiring from show business and then there are stories about Ashley spending the night with Ash. All she nneds to do now is declare she's pregnant and Ashley is the father.

The worlds gone GaGa

It looks like Lady GaGa is currently on every TV station, every billboard and in every newspaper and magazine. While a realise she is different to most other acts on the scene at the moment is she really that special? Shes really just a female version of Elton John.

Cheryl bounces back.

Cheryls seems to have finally turned her back on Simon anf the X-factor and joined the BBC. Her new show is going to gohead to head with X-factor so it wil be a good way of finding out how much pulling power she has still got. Go Chezza Go.

Rain, rain go away?

What's with all this bloody rain? I thought it was going to be a hot month with plenty of trips to te park and loads of humping. Everytime I get ready to go out a big black cloud appears and I'm forced to stay in.

Cankle Queen

Looks like Cheryl has gone from number one fashion model and pop-star to being the Cankle queen. The papers are claiming that Cheryl's public battle with the minor foot ailment has seen a 60% rise in the number of people seeking treatment for cankles. I'm sure Cheryl will be chuffed to get thecredit for that.

Frankie boy has popped the question to Christine so we can expect a big fat celeb wedding any time soon. I wonder if I will get an invite?

Cheryl was used to hype X-factor

Nicole's manager claims his client was always going to be a judge on the show and Cheryl was just invited along to spice things up. This would explain why Cheryl has been left feeling so hurt. Lets face it no-one in this country would pay any attention to US X-factor unless Cheryl was involved, it will eventually turn up on ITV2 in the near future and people are bound to have a nosey just to see what al the fuss was about.

Cheryl takes a swipe at Simon

Cheryl has taken a swipe at Simon but sadly she only did it verbally. When announcing the Girls Aloud reunion Cheryl said 'When I make a promise I always stick to it.' Sadly it will be like water off of a ducks back to Simon every time he loses a friend he just replaces the with a couple of pyschophants  who are happy to blow smoke up his arse.

Ash seems to have become very domesticated in the States he was even pictured putting the rubbish out he's obviously trying to send a message to Cheryl to show that he's now house trained if she's thinking of taking him back.

Cheryl's revenge

According to one of the Sunday papers Cheryl is taking dramatic revenge on her ex-boss Simon Cowell by striking a deal with his bitter arch-rival Simon Fuller. Having been humiliated on X-factor Cheryl is going for broke and appearing on Pop Idol. Can you really see that happening.  Among Fuller's clients are are David Beckham, Lewis Hamilton and Andy Murray so he seems to specialise in celebs who have never quite made it or who have made it but are now in decline. Does Cheryl need that kind of help?

The Girls are back in town!

Girl's Aloud could be reforming now that Nadine has offered to bury the hatchet. If she burys the hatchet into Simon's head I'm sure Cheryl will happily get back together with her backing singers again.

Ash seems to be living up on his holiday but I really think he's missing a trick not trying to get back together with Cheryl. If he plays his cards right he could easily win her back especially now she hasn't got Simon whispering in her ear about how she is well shut of Ash.

F - Hoff.

The Hoff has tried to stick the boot into Cheryl by bragging that he's still employed by Cowell and Cheryl isn't. What a tosser. The only reason Simon keeps him on the payroll is because he makes a good stooge. The Hoff is hapy to blow smoke up Cowell's arse as long has Simon keeps paying him big bucks.

Soon forgotten

Cheryl has been quickly airbrushed out of US X-factor and the show carries on like she was never there. Nicole has been showing off that she's now Simon's golden girl.

At long last.

Cheryl has finally seen Simon for what he really is and has said she wants noughing more to do with him. Thank goodness for that, she is well rid of him.

The public seem to have rumbled Simon has well his influence will soon be on the decline.

Oh yes you are.

Simon has finally come clean and admitted he was responsible for Cheryl's sacking but he goes on to claim that he isn't a monster. He may well not be a monster but he certainly is a lying, two faced, ruthless, money grabbing arogant piece of shit.

On Saturday night he spoke to the News of the World claiming that Cheryl had not actually been sacked and that she would be back at work on Tuesday, why did he make such claims when he knew they were all lies? He either did it to try and win back support from the public or to try and stop the new BGT winner grabbing the front page plaudits.

My head is starting to explode.

Last week Cheryl was booted off of US X-factor, yesterday she was getting her job back and today she's lost it again. I just can't keep up. The fact that Simon did all he could to try and get her back to America suggests that he's very nervous about what she might say or do if she stays in Britain. Now that plan B has failed he will have to resort back to plan A and offer her more money to keep her gob shut.

Derek has now ditched Cheryl because he doesn't like the fact that she's been talking to Ashley. I think the real reason he's got cold feet is because he knows that Cheryl is not the force she was 12 months ago. I'm sure he will now go sniffing round other rich single women who can further his career.

The worlds gone mad.

Have I really just been dreaming for the last week. I'm sure that Cheryl lost her job on US X-factor stormed home and vowed never to speak to Simon ever again.  But now Simon is saying she was never sacked and she will be back at work on Tuesday. The video doing the rounds showing how rubbish she was has now disappeared and a new video has been released showing her doing a fantastic job. Can someone just stop the world while I jump off?

Poor Ash

Just when things were starting to look up for Ash he goes out and gets injured. And how rubbish were England after he went off? Two nil down to the Swiss what a nightmare. They managed to pull it back for a scrappy draw but they were truly clueless.

Cheryl is meant to be getting £1m to keep her gob shut but I think it will take more than that to keep her quitet. Simon must be really shitting himself that Cheryl is about to spill the beans on all his dirty little secrets.

Simon throws a tizzy.

Simon is not happy because some nut-job on the Internet has accused him of trying to rig Britain's Got Talent.

You know things are bad when....

Having turned her back on Simon, Cheryl is now turning to Ashley and Louis for support. Cheryl is determined to rebuild her career without the hep of Simon but the trouble is most record companies are scared of Simon so she will need as many friends as possible if she is going to convince record companies to take a risk on her.

Simon claims Cheryl is playing hard to get.

Simon reckons that Cheryl is ignoring all his calls and playing hard to get and refusing to speak to him. Can he really blame her after the way he has treated her?