Cradle Snatching

Cheryl is reportedly planning to do a duet with Justin Bieber.  Why oh why would she want to do something as daft as that?  Their styles are so different and any woman who ever works with him ends up getting loads of death threats from demented teenage girls who all fancy Bieber.

Swan Song

Cheryl's brief appearance on American X-factor came to an end tonight when her time on the panel was finally aired. Hopeful most American's will now have a brief glimpse of what they are missing.

Close but no cigar.

Thought Ash and the boys were going to get a much needed win today but they managed to throw it away with three minutes to go. When oh when is Torres going to get the ball in the net. He had loads of good opportunities but the keeper was just to good for him. The good news for Chelsea is that Man City seem to be having a spot of bother with Tevez so that should derail their good start to the season and Chelsea might managed to sneak into second place in the league.

Slipping down the pecking order.

Cheryl seems to be slowly slipping down the celebrity pecking order she didn't get a mention in most of the papers today. It looks like the only way she can get in the papers these days is to fly off to Afghanistan or do something else equally newsworthy.  Unless she can get herself firmly back on the A-list she will struggle to get back to the top of the charts again.

She either needs to do something big for charity like swimming from Newcastle to Amsterdam, start dating a premiership footballer again or get back a regular slot on prime time TV again.

Talent show or soap opera?

X-factor has always been billed as a show that searches out the country's most talented singers but increasingly now it is becoming more of a soap opera. Over the Summer there was all the speculation over who would be on the judging panel and now that it is up and running all the stories in the papers are about the off stage antics of the acts and the judges.  Earlier this month there were headlines about orgies at the judges houses, now there are new stories about contestants being booted off because they have been in prison, acts with mental health issues being exploited and the latest installment is one of the acts quitting the show because she thought the judges were taking the piss out of her.

So what have we learned so far about the acts, some of the female singers are really good at singing songs they like and that they have been singing every day for months but take them out of their comfort zone and get them to perform something new and they start to flap.

Hush money

Simon Cowell reckon's he always gives ex-girlfriends a big pay off after they split because it's the right thing to do.  Surely he pays them so much to keep quite about what happened when they were together.

What a surprise!

All the papers are bleating on about the unsavoury past of some of the contestant in this years X-factor. What do the papers expect the show offers people a chance to turn their life around so is it surprising it attracts people who have either been in trouble with the law or who have workered as strippers or hookers.

Gary starts to lose his halo

Saint Gary is starting to see his popularity dip after he was filmed mocking one of the hopeless contestants on the X-factor.  Apparently he sat on the stage rifling through a woman's hand bag taking the piss out of her.
Once the public start to turn on him he will struggle to win back their affections.

Bring back Cheryl

It looks like Simon may have screwed up by dropping Cheryl so quickly. Lots of Yanks actually seemed to enjoy her performance in the first episode of US X-factor. But the problem now is that it is too late to bring her back now unless she can be parachuted in as a guest judge in the closing stages of the show. I wonder if this story is a true as the papers have made out or is Simon yet again spinning a line to ensure US X-factor is watched when it is aired over here.

Shut up Simon

I can't believe Simon has given another bloody interview about why Cheryl wasn't right for American X-factor. When is he going to shut up about it and move on.  Each time he talks about it he looks more of a prick especially when he is being interviewed by bloody Piers Morgan.

Talking of rubbish some papers are still going on about her Afghan visit claiming that she now fancies a soldier. What tosh, the only soldiers she likes are the ones she dips in her boiled eggs.

Well said Lily

I don't often find myself agreeing with Lily Allen but just this once I'll make an exception.  On Sunday's X-factor they allowed a 7 minute clip to be shown of a woman who was a walking freak show. She had been on the show before so the producers knew what to expect but they showed the clip anyway so that viewers could see the judges take the piss out of this unfortunate woman.  This seems to be happening more and more on a show that is now more interested at laughing at freaks rather than finding real talent.

Rubbing Salt in the wounds

Simon has been rubbing salts in Cheryl's wounds again by reportedly signing up Tulisa and Kelly for next years X-factor even before they've reached the half way point in this series. Cowell clearly knew that the announcement would get plenty of coverage in the papers and will guarantee acres of free publicity for the show.

Fergie has been slagging off Ash for a tough challenge he made on Sunday. Does that man ever stop moanin? He's like a one armed waiter he can give it but he can't take it.

Death threats?

Must be another quite news day because several papers are running with a very silly story about Cheryl receiving death threats after visiting troops in Afghanistan. There doesn't seem to be any truth to these stories but clearly it's a great headline to sell papers, it has an 'A' list celeb, terrorism and death all in one sentence. The only thing the sentence really lacks are a few facts.

Ash and the boys had a nightmare at Old Trafford. United scored two dodgy goals and Torres missed a bag full of chances so the Manchester mob won 3-1 even though they played very poorly.

No sex factor

According to stories in the paper which have probably been leaked by Simon Cowell several contestants have been kicked off the show for having sex at the judges house.  I really can't believe that acts would get the boot if they had real talent. Looks to me like a clever publicity stunt aimed at breathing fresh life into a show that seems to be dying on it's feet.

Cash in Quick

Now that Cheryl is the nations sweet heart again she needs to cash in quick. The public are very fickle and celebs can quickly slip from zero to hero in the bat of an eye-lid.  I would love to see a Cheryl Barbie doll with her dressed in her combat gear. I'm sure it would appeal to girls as well as boys so it is bound to make a killing.
Cheryl could also bring out a fitness DVD in which she is whipped into shape by some army sergeant.

Kahki Cole

The papers have really lapped up Cheryl's visit to Afghanistan, there are loads of pictures of her wearing her combats and firing guns. They will soon be calling her the new Vera Lynn. May be she will be able to release 'We'll Meet again' as her Christmas single. I would love her to release a record in December aimed at stopping Cowell getting the Christmas number one with the X-factor winner.

GI Cheryl

Cheryl has risked life and limb by visiting the troops in Afghanistan.  Whilst it should all be good publicity for her has she tries to relaunch herself her timing wasn't too great arriving the day after major attacks in the capital city.  Perhaps she might now land a new job advertising military based fashion ranges.

Hard work.

Ash and the boys made hard work of their European match tonight, they need a goal from a defender and then a very late second goal to clinch the match. They will need to buck up their ideas if the are going to take any points from the Manchester mob this year.

More Barrel scraping

Against my better judgement I took a peep at X-factor again last night. The show really does seem to be scraping the barrel this year, the dire acts are really dire and even the acts that the judges think are wonderful are just average.  Tonight's superstar was a 16 year old girl who had clearly had a fortune spent on her by her parents, her hair was dyed blonde, she was covered in slap and probably had her own singing coach. Yet despite all the time and money invested in her she was still no better than average.

Has Ashley been ditched again.

According the the Sunday Mirror Cheryl has finally given Ash the elbow. I'm sure they have run that story at east once already this year. Have they got any evidence to back up the claim or do they think that if they repeat  the story often enough eventually they will get the story right.

Cowell has been bigging up his Macho image again getting Sinitta to tell the papers what a love rat he is. If he really has cheated on so many women in the past why have none of these women squealed to the papers before now to make a quick book.

Snubbed again.

After being sacked as a judge on the US version of X Factor, Cheryl is now facing her third US snub after movie bosses said they might cut her one line cameo role in the blockbuster 'What To Expect When You're Expecting'. The American's really seem to have it in for her.

Tell him where to stick it.

Simon Cowell said that Cheryl could have a job on the next series of BGT. How very gallant. Why on earth would Cheryl want to appear on a second rate talent show. Cheryl should tell him to stick the offer where the sun don't shine.

Cheryl is getting addicted to twitter

Having avoided it for so long, Cheryl now seems to be addicted to twitter. Most of her tweets are so boring they are almost like a cry for help. Today she told her followers how much she enjoyed watching a DVD of the Girls Aloud tour, this was seen by many as her trying to hint that she was up for a reunion.

More bollocks from Cowell

Simon Cowell is yet again telling whoppers to the papers to try and make out he is some kind of macho stud. He is now claiming he once had a threesome with two women if this story was true sure one of these women would have squealed to the press before now. If he really wants to prove he is a red blooded male he needs to get married and produce a sprog. Until he does that rumours will continue to circulate about which team he bats for.

Come on England.

I thought we would stuff the Welsh tonight but Ash and the boys were  bit lack luster. Expecting them to play two good games in 5 days is asking  bit too much for these pampered pansies.

The wedding's off! Sarah Harding has split from fiancé Tom Crane. I'm surprised that papers have not tried to label the story 'The curse of Girl's aloud' I suppose it will save Cheryl having to buy them a gift.

Sexy Calendar

Cheryl is aiming to grab back the limelight by launching a very sexy calendar. I'm sure there are enough spotty teenagers out there who will rush out and buy it but can't see it being a long term career move. There really isn't much call for birds in their 30's appearing in saucy calendars unless they get their tits out.

Looks like Simon's latest show is sinking fast. Even though it has created two big winners the papers weren't happy that one of the winners had spent time in prison for assault.

Given up on X-factor

After watching another singer murder Adele I've finally given up on X-factor. What a pile of Poo!

Simon Cowell talking rubbish

Simon Cowell has ruled out the idea of having children as he lacks the time and patience to raise a child, I thought it was the idea of having sex with a woman that put him off having kids

To tweet or not to tweet?

Cheryl is finally starting to realise how stupid the whole tweeting thing is becoming. While in the states she sent a tweet about her poo. Now in America this may be considered quite normal in Britain it is considered bonkers.