Simon takes charge of BGT

Simon has ridden in on his trusty charger and rescued BGT. He has spotted potential winners and ensured they get an easy run to the final. He even lectured the rest of the panel tonight about letting so any rubbish acts through to the semis.

Who's calling Cheryl fat?

Cheryl has been told she needs to lose 2 stone to get back on top of her game, but who is calling her fat? She is already super skinny compared to most women so how can she afford to lose two stone?

A woman scorned.

 Cheryl is behaving like a woman scorned telling Simon where he can stick is offer of work on UK X-factor. I hope she sells her story to the papers and tells everyone what a bastard Simon really is. Simon must  shitting himself because Cheryl knows where he hasburied most of the bodies.

Cheryl wants to double her money

Cheryl has told Simon he will have to double her money if he wants to get her to return the X-factor in Britain. I'm sure he will cough up because otherwise this years show will crash and burn.

Now for the fall out

After the shock of Cheryl's dismissal yesterday today we are getting the fall out. Some people have blamed the ruthless TV executives whilst others have placed the blame at the door of Simon. Whether Simon is to blame or not he has done very little to stick up for her honour.

Cheryl has always had an accent, it didn't just appear overnight Simon should have done some market research to see what the American public thought of her before exposing her to the nation so she could become TV road kill.

Having taking a kicking in the states Simon is now trying to sweet talk her into returning to British X-factor. I don't fancy his chances. I think she will kick Simon into touch and re-invent herself either as a singer or chat-show host.

Short and not so sweet.

Cheryl's American dream seems to have ended before it really started. She featured in a trailer for the show on Sunday but now it looks like she's been given he boot because a lot of American's can't understand her Geordie accent.

Cheryl's star continues to fall.

Last year Cheryl won nearly every award going but this year the awards have been few and far between. One poll reckons that Pippa Middleton is more a fashion item thay Cheryl, how can that be true. Most people had not even heard of Pippa until about two months ago so how can she have become a style Icon so quickly? It  just goes to show how fickle members of the public are jumping on every bandwagon that passes.

Dannii Minogue is struggling to find a new job after Simon sacked her, she thought that the BBC would snap her up but she was wrong. Probably her wage demands were too high.

Talking of jobs who will be the next Chelsea boss? Can't see it being the special one or the Barca boss. They won't walk away from cushy jobs to work for Roman knowing that he loses his patience after a year.

It's already getting bitchy.

The judges on X-factor are already falling out with each other Sherzi is busily blowing smoke up the bum of Paula Abdul while giving Cheryl the bums rush. If they don't get on now what will it be like when they start booting each others acts off of the show.

Who are you calling chubby.

Now that Cheryl has gone to the US a number of journalists have lost no time at all bitching about her. Having already slagged off her fashion sense they are now implying that she is putting on weight. Well if Cheryl is considered tubby what hope if there for 95% of women who are fatter than her?

Dump Derek?

Bosses on US X-factor have told Cheryl to dumpr Derek and get a new fitness trainer. Whilst I agrre with the first order  I think telling her to get a new trainer is a bloody cheek. I don't think anyone could call Cheryl fat or unfit. If they don't like who she is dating and her figure and worry about her accent why the heck did they employ her in the first place?

Who the heck is Kelly Rowlands?

Cheryl has been replaced on X-factor by some woman I've never heard of. Apparently she used to be in a group called Destiny Child who used to be a fairly successful group in the good old days. They really must be scraping the barrel. Couldn't they get Geri or Sharon at least people have heard of them even if they are a couple of stupid bitches.

Cheryl fights back.

Cheryl has had a welcome return to form in the fashion stakes beating Paula hands down at the X-factor auditions. Her spotty dress showed off her young slim body and Paula looked a bit old and dated in comparison.

Ganging up on Simon.

Cheryl seems to have teamed up with Paula Abdul to get her own way over Simon. The new dynamic duo think that if they stick together they will  be able to get their way when up against Simon.

What Boob job

Seems to be quite a lot of speculation about the size of Cheryl's boobs with many claiming she's had them enlarged. Having looked at the photo's I'm not convinced but it would explain why she has kept a low profile for the last couple of months. I' sure that she was seen with two bigger tits last year when she was on the X-factor panel. The tit on the left was caled Louis and the tit on the right was called Simon.

Talking of Simon he's just jetted back to Britain to try and breath some life back into BGT so we can expect plenty of controversy and tabloid exclusives to try and get the viewers to tune in.

Cheryl loses first round to Paula

It looks as though Cheryl will have a tough fight stealing the X-factor headlines in the US. After her first appearance with Paula Abdul all the critics claims that Paula looked better. Cheryl is going to have to up her game to outshine the local girl. Any slip ups will be picked up on so she can't take too many risks.

Is X-factor going down the pan?

Most of the papers seem to think that X-factor is going to head down hill pretty fast without Simon, Cheryl and Dannii on the panel. May be that's of Cowell's master plan, run British X-factor into the ground and then ITV will start to show US X-factor in it's place so he can get paid twice for doing the same show. That eeally would be pure genius if he pulled it off.

Another one bites the dust.

First it was Simon, then Cheryl haw Dannii has joined the sinking ship which is X-factor. I can see the show going the same way as BGT with a voting panel that is totally clueless. How will Louis managed to keep things going on his own.

Cheryl is officially vampish

Most of the papers are in agreement that Cheryl looked vampish when she appeared at Cannes. But what the heck does vampish mean? Does it mean she looks like a blood sucking vampire? All that red stuff around her mouth was lip-stick not blood.

Took a look at BGT tonight, I never thought I'd say this but they really need Simon back on the judging panel. Without Simon the three judges behave like headless chickens. At one point Ant and Dec had to tell them to save an act that the judges had given the thumbs down to. Come on panel get a grip.

Cheryl in Cannes

Cheryl has been pictured showing off her chest in Cannes. The paps have been having a field day taking pictures of cleavage, it's nice work if you can get it.

Alesha says no.

Alesha has turned down the opportunity to fill Cheryl's shoes on X-factor prefering instead to stay on 'Strictly.' I think she has probably made the right choice, on Strictly there is less work to do and you are always working with professionals, on X-factor you have to be on duty all the time and far too much of the show is taken up seperating the wheat from the chaff.

Hair today.

Cheryl's big hair is starting a new trend in the US with other celebs starting to copy her style.
Hopefully she has already lined up an advertising deal so she can cash-in on her sudden popularity.

Cheryl does seem to be getting a bit homesick so she is having some home comforts like Hob-knobs.

Bring on the subtitles

Cheryl reckons that the American's won't have any trouble understanding her accent. Well Cheryl most Brit's have trouble with your accent so the Yanks haven't got a chance. Perhaps they will provide subtitles to help them for the first few shows.

Cheryl must be gutted that she has left X-factor over here just when Gary Barlow joins the judging panel.

Cheryl settling down in the USA

Since landing in the States Cheryl seems to have quickly found  her feet, she has been photographed going to te gym and also having her hair done.

Looks like her likely X-factor replaceent in Britain is Alesha Dixon. Hopes she's a better singing judge than she was a dancing judge.

Boo United beat Chelsea.  All I can look forward to now is Barcelona giving United a good thrashing at Wembley.

Don't leave me this way.

According to a very unreliable source Cheryl is off to the states for good. I find this a bit hard to believe firstly because she would miss England too much and secondly she has still not cracked America yet. I really don't think you can commit to another country until you've been there a while. Would she really go all that way without her favourite pooch?

Fergie is getting rattled

Judging by the way Fergie is looking on the TV he appears to be a bit rattled. He knows that if Chelsea win on Sunday the title race is well and truly on. If Chelsea are winning in the dying minutes you can bet he will be pointing at his watch demanding extra time.

All the papers are going on about how happy Cheryl is looking, well she would be wouldn't she with a big contact in America signed and sealed.

Finally

After months of waiting Cheryl has finally got the green light to go and work in the USA with simple Simon. I still can't see why it took so long. Cheryl wanted the job and Simon made it clear he wanted her but he's waited to the 11th hour to confirm she's got the gig. I can only assue it has been all about publicity, until today nearly everyone in the music industry in America has been touted to sit on the judging panel. Now she's got the gig she has to prove she was the right choice.

There has been some bad news for Cheryl however because she is no longer in FHM's top 10 sexiest woman's list.

Why is Cheryl visiting Ashley's mum?

It would appear that Cheryl has been popping round for cozy chats with Ashley's mum but no-one knows why. Could she be planning a reunion with Ash or are they just catching up with gossip? I just wish that Cheryl would spend as much time with me as she does with Ashley's mum.

Simon seems to be spending less time on music at the moment and more time dreaming up new TV shows that will make him even more cash. I can't really blame him for cutting back on music work because most singers now are much of a muchness.

One less title for Cheryl

Last year Cheryl won an award for being the best dressed celebrity but this year she didn't get a mention as the award was given to Harry Potter star Emma Watson. Is Cheryl starting to get the message that the media start to grow cool towards female celebs the older they get. Unless Cheryl starts to re-invent herself pretty sharpish she could disappear completely from the celebrity A-list radar. This time next year she could be playing second fiddle to Pippa Middleton in the popularity stakes.

Who is hacking Simon?

Simon Cowell has called in the FBI to crack the case of hackers breaking into his top-secret computer network, which contained details of his new US - X Factor show. And what our the top secrets apart from how much he is making from the show and how rubbish most of the contestants are? You are running a singing contest Simon not bloody MI6.

If this is not just another pointless piece of publicity and someone really is hacking Simon I hope they are using a very sharp sword.

It's going to be close.

Thanks to the gunners, Chelsea are well and truly back in the hunt. If Ash and the boys can beat United next week it will suddenly be squeaky mum time for Fergie.