Ashley takes a kicking

Ashley has taken a lot of stick today over the air-gun incident. It took up alot of time at the Chelsea press conference and is likely to linger for a while. Even the police are thinking of getting involved. Ash should change his  name to Wayne and then he would be immune from an sanctions.

A bad day at the office for Cheryl and Ash.

Cheryl  and Ash have both taken a kicking in the papers today. Cheryl seems to have missed out on her dream job in the states and Ash is in trouble but not for shooting himself in the foot. Ashley Cole has been accused of wounding a member of staff at Chelsea's training ground with an air-rifle. If the story is true it is probably the first shot he's had on target all season

Simple Simon Splashes the cash.

Sinmon is so keen to keep his mug in the paper that he has bought a big house for his fiancee and one for her parents. Why exactly would he want to buy his bride to be a house if he plans to marry her in the near future?
I thought couples ony bought seperate homes when the rot starts to set in not months before getting married.

Spring has sprung.

Spring has sprung and so have I.  With all the warm weather there were lots of sexy bitches at the park desperate for some action and none of them went home disatisfied.

Fuller face?

The Daily Mail said today that Cheryl has now got a fuller face. Does mean that they think she looks fat? Why don't they just say she looks healthy rather than making a big deal over her putting on a few extra pounds.  The next time they get a picture of her looking thin they'll come up with a load of bullshit stories about why she's lost weight.

How pampered will Cheryl be in America?

Singer Cheryl Cole will be looked after by a crew of seven staff if she wins the US 'X Factor' job, if she needs a man to apply her fake tan I'm sure there will be plenty of willing volunteers.

Prince Charles has become Cheryl's new special fan.  I bet he's only creeping round her so she will sing at the wedding without charging a fee.

Is Carlo drinking in the last chance saloon?

If Ash and the boys fail to win tonight Carlo could be out on his ear.

X-factor Bull

ITV now deny Simon is leaving.

More tripe about Del Boy

Since Derek returned to Cheryl's side the rumour mill has been in full swing. Some papers claim he flown over to rekindle their romance which is a bit silly given that no such romance has ever been confirmed. Other papers say he's here to lend support because she is not convinced she has got the American job yet.

The Sunday Mirror came up with a totally pile of pooh about Ashley's mum begging Cheryl to take him back, like that is ever going to happen.

And just cap it all another pap claimed Simon and Cheryl had walked out on the British version of X-factor. Knowing both of them threy wouldn't turn their backs on the programme while they are still getting paid big bucks. I still think they will be involved but only getting involved in the latter stages when all the dross has been romoved and they are down to the last 12.

The wheels come off again at Chelsea

Yet again Chelsea play a team from Liverpool and the wheels come off again. Ashley managed to miss a penalty but quite why a defender was taking a penalty in the first place baffles me.

How much rent is Cheryl paying.

The papers are claiming that Cheryl is paying £3,500 a week to rent a place in London. For that money she could stop in London's poshiest hotel and be waited on hand and foot.

Poor Derek

Poor little Derek flew all the way from LA to see Cheryl and she didn't even send a car to meet him, what a bitch.  Talk about treat them mean keep them keen.

Carlo is planning a Summer clear out at the Bridge that's always assuming he's not shown the door first. But if Carlo goes who could replace him. With the Special one unlikely to return the list of possible replacements is fairly short.

Reflected glory

After missing out at the BRITS Cheryl now has a plan B. She is going to do a duet with Rihanna so she can bask in the relected glory. Rihanna is clearly more popluar than Cheryl at the moment so Cheryl will try and cash in on Rihanna's popularity.

A big fat zero at the Brits

Despite pulling out all the stops in the fashion stakes at the Brit's Cheryl came away with no awards.
It looks like her bubble has either burst or developed a slow puncture. She's got got the looks to compete with the new girls on the block and her voice isn't strong enough to compete with the top singers.

Simon a Villian

Simon went to a James Bond party dressed as a villian. Than must have been a fairly quick abd cheap makeover.

Cheryl in line to get the Pepsi Max

Cheryl could pocket 1 million dollars endorsing soft drink giant Pepsi if she lands the role of a judge on the American version of the 'X Factor', if she doesn't get the X-factor job she could be offered 10 quid to advertise Netto's budget cola

Cheryl can use a telephone

All the papers are gushing at the fact that Cheryl was able to pick up a telephone and order a new wheelie bin. Jesus what a stupid story. She's no royalty she is more than a capable of looking after herslek with out an army of flunkies.

Chelsea give up the ghost.

The Chelsea manager has said that the title is now beyond them so Ash will have settle for winning the Champions league instead.

Pull the other one.

Simon  Cowell reckons he's postponed his wedding so it doesn't class with the royal wedding. Yeh, right Simon you were really going to have your wedding on the same day as Kate and William and you didn't want to force people to have to chose between which wedding the would attend.

Simon is putting on his brown trousers.

Simon has let it be known that he thinks taking X-factor to the US could be a big risk. Of course it's a big risk if he speaks to American contestants in the same way as he speaks to British contestants one of them is likely to pull a gun on him. I better make sure my dancing shoes are back from the clobbers just in case.

On of Cheryl's former backing singer Sarah Harding has been photographed out of her tree after going on a bender. So much for her New Years resolution to stay away from alcohol!

Who really is Simon's No.1.

The papers seem to have got it into their heads that Simon has started to go all cool on Cheryl. The buzz on planet celebrity is that Simon has now got a new golden girl.

Ashley named England footballer of the year.

You really know that it's been a bad year for the England football team when a left back is named England footballer of the year. I suppose if you leave John Terry and Wayne Rooney out of the reckoning because of their off field behaviour, Defoe, Ferdinand and Lampard have missed a lot of matches through injury, the keepes have been hopeless so it doesn't really leave a great deal of competition.

A done deal.

After weeks of speculation the media are now claiming that Chezza has signed a £10m deal to do X-factor in the US. Late last year when a deal was first put on the table her pay was said to be £6m so hr value has clearly shot up over the las 6 weeks. May be she should hold out a bit loner to see if the offer rises again.

Ashley had a bad day at the office with the scousers beating them 1-0. May be it's time for Ash to take the money and run to America to join Beckham and the other as been's in the Micky Mouse MLS league.

More X-factor speculation.

The papers are printing more twaddle about the future of X-factor, asking if Cheryl and Simon are leaving. The only person who could be fuelling this speculation is simple Simon trying to keep his name in the papers.
The best thing to do is to just ignore him. 

Grumpy Elton

Having a crying baby in the house is clearly making Elton John grumpy, he has given an interview in which he slags of Girl's Aloud and the Saturday's.  May be he's hoping for a part in the next serious of Grumpy Old men.

Bring on the scousers

Sunday's match against Liverpool looks like it's going to be a real cracker with Torres playing for Chelsea and Liverpool fielding their new striker. If Chelsea in they will put themselves in the title race again but if Liverpool win Carlos could be looking for a new job.

Dannii has made a fool of herself again being pictured snogging her bloke like they are a couple of teenagers.
When is she going to start acting her age.

Will.I.am is back on the scene.

Cheryl is so desperate to crack America that she has enlisted the help of Wil.I.am. I think her initial plan was to try and break into the market via US X-factor but now she is not guarateed a place on the judging panel all that might soon change.

She's probably milked the British public for all they are worth so now needs to branch out into a bigger and better market.

Chelsea smell the coffee.

Splashing out £70m on two players show that Chelsea have finally wken up and smelt the coffee. With Man U running away with the league Chelsea probably need to win every game to retain the title. If Torres hits te ground running anything is possible.