Mail Sticks the boot in.

The Daily Mail ran a piece of Chezza today claiming that she's lost the plot. The entire piece seems to be based on silly rumours about her not landing the X-factor job in the US and claims that she is getting back with Ash. Both stories are totally untrue so trying to claim that the events have any meaning is rubbish.
The article also claims that her new tattoo also shos she's no longer the golden girl of British pop. Well if it means she will get less hassle from the Paparazzi I', sure she won't complain.

Cheryl and Ashley getting back together.

It must be very quiet on planet celebrity at the moment because most of the tabloids are speculating on Ash and Cheryl getting back together. The only bit of proof the papers can dig up is a breif meeting they had a few months ago and some gossip from the Chelsea team that Ash tried to get a few tickets out of Cheryl for the TV awards.  None of this really adds up to concrete evidence that they are about to get it together any time soon.

May be the News if the World should go back to phone tapping so that they can come up with a more substantial story.

What's going on at Chelsea?

Just when I though Ash and the boys were back to winning ways they nearly get knocked out of the FA Cup by Everton.  Do they realy need Torres to turn around their season.

Simple Simon

Simon is so desperate to stay in the public eye at the moment he keeps telling the papers that he's going to make an important 'announcement very soon' well if it's so important why keep us in suspense. There's no point trying to keep secrets these days because someone will only come along and hack your mobile phone.

How lovely for Cheryl!

Cheryl had the pleasure of sitting with Simon Cowell and his latest squeeze. What length that man goes to to try and prove he is a red blooded male.

I wonder when Simon and Cheryl are going to start moaning about having their phones hacked. I would be really upset if I thought messages I had left Cheryl had been heard by a journalist or a private detective.

Tramp Stamp

After finally returning to the lime light most of the papers were only interested in the large tattoo on her back with one paper referring to it as a tramp stamp! Cheryl clearly has a lot of work to do to win back the hearts of the British public. At the moment she is even less popular than Kerry Katona!

Cheryl not wanted in the USA

Looks like Cheryl's big plans for the USA may be a non-starter. The American's would much rather have Katie Perry than Chezza. So after all the hype about making it bid over there she might end up playing the holiday camps instead.

Jonathan Ross sticks the boot in.

Apparently Jonathan Ross stuck the boot into Cheryl at the comedy awards by doing gags about her hitting the cloak room attendent and not supporting Gamu. What a cad. I'm guessing about 1 million people atched him do the gags on Channel 4 but by repeating the gags the Daily Mail ensured at least 4 million people got to know about the jokes.

Low Profile

Why is Cheryl keeping such a low profile? In the Summer and Autumn there used to be 2 or 3 stories a day about her but recently she's fallen off of the radar and Jordon and Kerry Katona have been hogging all the headlines.

Sarah gets engaged but nobody is bothered.

One of Cheryl's backing singers has got engaged but none of the papers are in the least bit bothered. She is now so Z-list that she almost doesn't count as a celeb.

Ash has split with his new bird after just 5 weeks at this rate him and Cheryl could be back together again by Valentine's day that really would piss Simon Cowell off.

Why is it so cold.

After the good weather last week I thought that Spring had arrived early but I woke up today to find it freezing cold again, my willy shrunk so much most of the dogs at the park actually thought I was a bitch. In fact a couple of them tried to mount me but they got a nasty surprise when they realised I was actually a red blooded male.

Cher has been stamping her little feet again.

Cheryl's mini-me Cher has been stropping again because she is not getting her own way in America. Sadly because she did so well on X-factor she actually believes that she has got some talent! Oh dear, the poor deluded little cow. Did she really think that Will.I.am was being serious when he said he would make her a star? All he really anted to do was get into her knickers. Cheryl saw him for what he was and gave him the brush off she even pretended that she had a boyfriend to try and stop him bothering her.

This time next year Cher will be auditioning for the Summer season at Butlin's.

Cheryl back with Ash

Cheryl and Ash have been photographed together at a wedding.

Jordan,Jordan,Jordan

Every where you look at the moment there is a picture of Jordan. Do we really need to be constantly reminded what she looks like. She is just a slapper who has overdone the surgery and fake tan. How sad will she look in 10 years time if she is still dressing like a tart.  Come back now Cheryl your country needs you.

Has Cheryl become invisible?

I don't think there has been a picture of Cheryl in the papers for a week. The Daily Mail are having to resort to showing pictures of Amy Winehouse in a Bikini and the other tabloids are feasting on Jordan's marital split with Alex Reid.  Where would some of these papers be without celebrity divorces?

More X-factor bollocks

The papers are again claiming that Simon and Cheryl will not do X-factor in Britain next year. What a silly thing to say, Simon Cowel is X-factor without him there is no show. I think him and Chezza will skip the tedious auditions but just appear in the TV live final stages.

Things are looking up for Ash

Finally Chelsea have got back to winning ways.

Get your Brit's out for the lads

Chezza has been nominated for 2 Brit's this year. Snobs in the papers have said she shouldn't get an award because she mimes. If every singer who mimes was banned from receiving awards their would be virtually no nominees.

Blowing smoke up Cheryl's arse

After months of slagging of Cheryl journalists are slowly starting to warm to her again. A bloke in American was clearly blowing smoke up her bum when he claimed she had been a terrific judge on X-factor. I'm her biggest fan but even I would have to admit she was fairly dire on this years X-factor.

Ashley returns

It looks like Cheryl's holiday was just cover for all her stuff being moved out of the house so that Ash could move in with his new bit of skirt. There is no mention of Cheryl getting a new place so it looks like I'm going to be stuck up north for a while yet.

Simon finds the right vehicle for his talent.

All the tabloids feature pictures of Simon Cowell riding around on a quad bike, it's nice to see that he has finally found the right vehicle for his talents.

Yesterday's men

The press seem obsessed at the moment with yesteday's men both Beckhan and Henry are getting loads of publicity even though Becks is merely training with Spurs and Henry is having a run out at the Gunner's how can this be classed as news-worthy? The papers must just be treading water until the tranfer market really kicks off.  

Is it time for Cheryl to get broody?

With the Beckhams announcing they have got another baby on the way when id Cheryl going to start to get broody? Whilst I'm not sure many of her sponsors would like to see her gaining a bulge her biological clock must be ticking louder by the day.

Is she or isn't she?

The public are clearly not convinced that Derek is poking Cheryl, or 23% said yes they were an item, 53% thought they weren't an item and the rest all said they didn't give a toss one way or the other.

When can I go skiing

While I'm stuck at home twiddling my thumbs Cheryl is off enjoying herself with Derek. Why has no-one ever invented skiis for dogs I'm sure they would be a hit with do owners who can't bare to be without their pooches.

Do they have socialites in Essex.

According to the papers Simon is cross with Cher because she been secretly dating a socialite in Essex. What a silly story, firstly I didn't know there were any socialites in Essex an secondly would Simon really give a toss who she is seeing. Cher served her purpose in generating large viewing figures for X-factor she is now no longer of any interest to Simon.

Can't believe Cheslea have lost yet again I think they will need to get in a new manager fairly quickly if things continue to go pear shaped.

Not more Derek speculation

Despite the fact that Cheryl has been seen snogging Derek in public there is still speculation over if the relationship is real. What more proof do journalists want? May be a webcam in the bedroom or a lie detector test.